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Every year several languages die out every year. Some people think that it is not important because life will be easier when there are fewer languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Every year several languages die out every year. Some people think that it is not important because life will be easier when there are fewer languages. with this opinion? v. 2
There has been a growing dominance of some main languages as a result of globalization in the past 50 years. While some people argue that the loss of some minor languages helps to facilitate our lives and the increasing integrated economy, there still remain arguments that the disappearance of language can lead to the death of some cultures and making lives far more momentous. In my personal point of view, although the integration of using one language is necessary to the prosperity of trade and commerce, it consequently harms the diversity of cultures. First of all, it is indisputable that language is intimately bound up with culture, thus the death of language can have negative impact on the survival of culture. Some customs, traditional norms and values are transmitted from generations to generations through words of mouth. Take the case of the increasing prevalence of English as a salient example. Nowadays, many children are taught English from a very young age for the sake of better future career path and even have no idea about mother tongue. Therefore, the interaction between old generations with younger generation is limited, which results in the inhibition of passing down culture to descendants. Further more importantly, the loss of several languages makes lives far more momentous and less colorful rather than convenient. Some people like to travel to discover and experience diverse lifestyles in the world. When the world is the similar, experience new and thrilling things seems meaningless. There may be no motivation for learning new language and for finding out about mystery of other cultures, which eventually makes lives far more boring. All in all, despite the huge benefits that using the same languages can bring to the wealth of economy, I strongly disagree that some languages are not important and should be erased. In the future, I believe that a campaign in terms of preserving and developing languages should be adopted for the sake of maintaining variety of cultures.
There has been a growing dominance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
as a result
of globalization in the past 50 years. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the loss of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to facilitate our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and the increasing integrated economy, there
still
remain arguments that the disappearance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can lead to the death of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
far more momentous. In my personal point of view, although the integration of using one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is necessary to the prosperity of trade and commerce, it
consequently
harms the diversity of cultures.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is indisputable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
intimately
bound up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
thus
the death of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the survival of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
customs, traditional norms and values
are transmitted
from generations to generations through words of mouth. Take the case of the increasing prevalence of English as a salient example. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
are taught
English from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age for the sake of better future career path and even have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about mother tongue.
Therefore
, the interaction between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generations with younger generation
is limited
, which results in the inhibition of passing down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to descendants.

Further
more
importantly
, the loss of several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
far more momentous and less colorful
rather
than convenient.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to travel to discover and experience diverse lifestyles in the world. When the world is the similar, experience new and thrilling things seems meaningless. There may be no motivation for learning new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and for finding out about mystery of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
far more boring.

All in all, despite the huge benefits that using the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
can bring to the wealth of economy, I
strongly
disagree that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and should
be erased
. In the future, I believe that a campaign in terms of preserving and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
should
be adopted
for the sake of maintaining variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Every year several languages die out every year. Some people think that it is not important because life will be easier when there are fewer languages. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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