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Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. v. 5
There are different approaches by which criminals can be punished. Although the prisons have been considered as a severe punishment, they cannot be quite effective as many as the education and job training. It appears that both the education and training are most efficient. I will explain why in this essay. Firstly, the governments can employ the criminals in various positions meaning that those who commit a crime usually need to learn how to use their skills and abilities in a correct way. Thus, if the states spend the maintenance of prisons' costs on educating criminals, the criminals will be able to change into individuals who are more beneficial to their societies. In addition, a second and perhaps most significant benefit of the training and employing them as workforces is that the governments can implement some projects such as community services with no extra expenditure. This means that criminals must do these types of projects instead of staying in the prison. As a result they do not have to be paid the salary because it is just their penalty. It is true that for some crimes such as murder should be considered severe penalties so that it can be said that the education is not efficient in order to punish them. Despite this, it seems that according to some research, those who just have been sentenced for sending to prison would often commit the same crime after coming back to societies. This is because they mostly need to be taught about how they can have a normal lifestyle like others. To conclude, the prisons have been considered as a method to deal with criminals. However, it seems to me that considering some centers in which criminals could be educated about different types of job according to their abilities can be more beneficial.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approaches by which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
can
be punished
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
have
been considered
as a severe punishment, they cannot be quite effective as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as the education and job training. It appears that both the education and training are most efficient. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can employ the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
in various positions meaning that those who commit a crime
usually
need to learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities
Consider replacing "in a correct way" with the adverb for "correct"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a correct way
.
Thus
, if the states spend the maintenance of
Possible spelling mistake found.
prisons&
#039; costs on educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
into individuals who are more beneficial to their societies.
In addition
, a second and perhaps most significant benefit of the training and employing them as
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
projects such as community services with no extra expenditure. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do these types of projects
instead
of staying in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
As a result
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be paid
the salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
their penalty.

It is true that for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crimes such as murder should
be considered
severe penalties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can
be said
that the education is not efficient in order to punish them. Despite this, it seems that according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research, those who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have
been sentenced
for sending to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
commit the same crime after coming back to societies. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
mostly
need to
be taught
about how they can have a normal lifestyle like others.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
have
been considered
as a method to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
However
, it seems to me that considering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
centers in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
could
be educated
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of job according to their abilities can be more beneficial.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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