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An American film actor one said "Tomorrow is the best important thing in life". How important do you think it is individuals and countries to think about the future on the present? v.2

An American film actor one said "Tomorrow is the best important thing in life". How important do you think it is individuals and countries to think about the future on the present? v. 2
The question of whether people should raise concerns for future events or not continues to be controversial, as some people claim that we need to hold a futuristic view to achieve personal and public successes. Personally, I feel that it seems to be a rationale belief which I will discuss the reasons in this essay. To begin with, it is a well-known fact that time does not stop for us to be satisfied at the current moment. Indeed, we should all remember that the present day will transform into the future, and when it eventually does, it should be safe and secure. For this reason, all societies need to plan for the bright future, as people expect the government to bring improvements in various realms, such as science, economy, and technology. Therefore, without implementing ambitious plans to pursue nationwide objectives, the general public would not reach as much as possible of happiness and social welfare later in life. Furthermore, having a promising future does not only depend on the measures are being taken by the state, but rather strenuous coordinated efforts at individual basis are sought to uphold public developments in the future. While acting within laws, each person has a determined role to promote positive activities which might bring long-term benefits for the next generations. For instance, if people did not take responsibility to educate their children, it would result in unemployment and poverty later in life. Admittedly, I do appreciate some people think differently, claiming that one should do efforts to make the present time better, and should not raise concerns for the future events which are potentially unpredictable. Nevertheless, it seems reasonable that we should develop the realization that whatever we plan, decisions we make and measures we take can progressively affect our future opportunities and powers. Overall, I believe that having futuristic ideas and plans seems a wiser course, not just for national developments such as economy and technology, but also for personal achievements which can serve next generation`s needs.
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
The question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should raise concerns for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or not continues to be controversial, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that we need to hold a futuristic view to achieve personal and public successes.
Personally
, I feel that it seems to be a rationale belief which I will discuss the reasons in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
it is a well-known fact that
time does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
for us to
be satisfied
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
moment.
Indeed
, we should all remember that the present day will transform into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, and when it
eventually
does, it should be safe and secure.
For this reason
, all societies need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
for the bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to bring improvements in various realms, such as science, economy, and technology.
Therefore
, without implementing ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
to pursue nationwide objectives, the
Consider using "public".
general public
would not reach as much as possible of happiness and social welfare later in life.
Furthermore
, having a promising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on the measures are
being taken
by the state,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
strenuous coordinated efforts at individual basis
are sought
to uphold public developments in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. While acting within laws, each person has a determined role to promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
activities which might bring long-term benefits for the
next
generations.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not take responsibility to educate their children, it would result in unemployment and poverty later in life.

Admittedly
, I do appreciate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
, claiming that one should do efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the present time better, and should not raise concerns for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which are
potentially
unpredictable.
Nevertheless
, it seems reasonable that we should develop the realization that whatever we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
, decisions we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
and measures we take can
progressively
affect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
opportunities and powers.

Overall
, I believe that having futuristic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
seems a wiser course, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for national developments such as economy and technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for personal achievements which can serve
next
The character between 'generation' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "generation’s" (curly apostrophe) or "generation's" (straight apostrophe).
generation`s
needs.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay An American film actor one said "Tomorrow is the best important thing in life". How important do you think it is individuals and countries to think about the future on the present? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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