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Sending criminals to prison is not the best method at dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree. v.1

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method at dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. v. 1
No one in his life would like to be put into the terrible place called the prison which deprives the liberty following conviction for a crime. This institute provides not only isolation of criminals from society, but also intended for retribution and rehabilitation of such category of people. It is considered that after serving the sentence a prisoner is corrected nevertheless in many cases this judgment is erroneous. I strongly believe that inmates would be corrected better during scholarship and practice. Studying instead of punishment is a greater chance to gain new specialty for convicts. In an education, a correcting person is focused on study process in order to acquire knowledge and skills which will be helpful for him during searching an appropriate job after graduation. For instance, instead of imprisonment such student might gain a diploma degree. As a result, the main idea of reeducating by putting an offender into a prison will not be so suitable in comparison with educational purposes. In addition, there cannot be a better chance to prepare for new life than practicing in a certain job. By doing this criminals have a unique opportunity to acquire new experience in order to find job. Moreover when ex-criminal lands a job, it anchors them and their families and cements their place in their community what could lead to reducing of recidivism, for instance. Meanwhile a prison would not support such opportunities for inmates making them even more embittered. To conclude, education and job training better help criminal to become a law abiding person than sending them to prison. Therefore, I agree that a felon should study and practice instead of being putting to jail. If government wants to see criminals corrected they should give them a real base for starting of new life.
No one in his life would like to
be put
into the terrible place called the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
which deprives the liberty following conviction for a crime. This institute provides not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
isolation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
from society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
intended for retribution and rehabilitation of such category of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It
is considered
that after serving the sentence a prisoner
is corrected
nevertheless
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases this judgment is erroneous. I
strongly
believe that inmates would
be corrected
better during scholarship and practice.

Studying
instead
of punishment is a greater chance to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
specialty for convicts. In an education, a correcting person
is focused
on study process in order to acquire knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will be helpful for him during searching an appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after graduation.
For instance
,
instead
of imprisonment such student might gain a diploma degree.
As a result
, the main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of reeducating by putting an offender into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
suitable
in comparison
with educational purposes.

In addition
, there cannot be a better chance to prepare for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
life than practicing in a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. By doing
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
have a unique opportunity to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experience in order to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
when ex-criminal lands a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it anchors them and their families and cements their place in their community what could lead to reducing of recidivism,
for instance
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
would not support such opportunities for inmates making them even more embittered.

To conclude
, education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
training better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
to become a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
law abiding
person than sending them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that a felon should study and practice
instead
of being putting to jail. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
corrected they should give them a real base for starting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
life.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Sending criminals to prison is not the best method at dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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