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Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. v. 2
In the modern world, many teenagers are keen to commit minor crimes, because of lack of knowledge and experience. In this regard, although there is an opinion that they should be treated in the same as adults, others feel that the authorities should create a special system of penalization for them, because their cognitive abilities are not developed as equally as adults. There is no denying that many adolescents do not realize the consequences of their actions. In this reason, the majority of people believe that if youngsters are treated in the same as adults, it cannot encourage the young people to avoid wrongdoings. It is widely accepted that in order to decrease the level of crime among youngsters, the encouragement of avoiding such kinds of perpetrations is essential, because young people are stressful and nervous that previous generation. Accordingly, many factors can affect them to do wrongdoings. A good illustration of this is social networking sites. Due to the level of violence on the internet, youngsters can be influenced by its aggression. On the other hand, others individuals feel that the legislative branch should treat adolescents as equal as grown people, because due to advanced technologies, many children are informed about the consequences of wrongdoings. In this regard, introducing special law for young people cannot be a viable option, because they can abuse their situation. To illustrate, nowadays, many young people illegally drive a car. However, this law-breaking of youngsters is not penalized, because of their age. In conclusion, although many people tend to think that adolescents should treat in the same as grown people, others feel that because of underdevelopment of their cognitive skills and lack of experience can give them a special right to avoid any sentences. Personally, I reckon that young people should not treat in the same way as grown people.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are keen to commit minor crimes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of knowledge and experience. In this regard, although there is an opinion that they should
be treated
in the same as adults, others feel that the authorities should create a special system of penalization for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their cognitive abilities are not developed as
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
adults.

There is no denying that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adolescents do not realize the consequences of their actions. In this reason, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that if youngsters
are treated
in the same as adults, it cannot encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid wrongdoings. It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that in order to decrease the level of crime among youngsters, the encouragement of avoiding such kinds of
Possible spelling mistake found.
perpetrations
is essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are stressful and nervous that previous generation.
Accordingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors can affect them to do wrongdoings. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is social networking sites. Due to the level of violence on the internet, youngsters can
be influenced
by its aggression.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others individuals feel that the legislative branch should treat adolescents as equal as grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
due to advanced technologies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
are informed
about the consequences of wrongdoings. In this regard, introducing special law for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot be a viable option,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can abuse their situation. To illustrate, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
illegally
drive a car.
However
, this law-breaking of youngsters is not penalized,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their age.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that adolescents should treat in the same as grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, others feel that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of underdevelopment of their cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and lack of experience can give them a special right to avoid any sentences.
Personally
, I reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not treat
in the same way
as grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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