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Sending criminals to prison is not an effective method of dealing with them. Education and job training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Sending criminals to prison is not an effective method of dealing with them. Education and job training should be used instead. v. 1
Job opportunities for youth generations in government sectors is increasing day by day. While some people believe that it is good, whereas other contradicts this. This essay will discuss both the views and will provide evidence of why both age groups of people are important for the public centre to run effectively. Firstly, it is always best for the public sector to give chance to young people because new generation brings more knowledge regarding latest technologies. People with high age are less comfortable with advanced computers and machinery because of their traditional background, while youth has a perfect lay ground for these technological advancements. For example, young people have more knowledge regarding latest computers, which will enable them to work faster in comparison to senior citizens. Although, it is not ideal to give every work to this new breed because of their less experience, people with more age have the large variety skill to deal with different types of problems. Senior citizens know how to react to the various governmental problem in order to provide better services, but lack of experience in less age people can cause a variety of problems. For instance, if an individual is suffering from any kind of major problem, he/she wants to have a consultation with a person with more knowledge and experience. In a nutshell, with the increase in job opportunities for youth, old age people are equally important for public sectors to increase their effectiveness. Hence, it is clear that neither, all things can be done by a budding age group nor by the senior age group.
Job opportunities for youth generations in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
sectors is increasing day by day. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, whereas other contradicts this. This essay will discuss both the views and will provide evidence of why both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the public
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to run
effectively
.

Firstly
, it is always best for the public sector to give chance to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
new generation brings more knowledge regarding
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technologies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
are less comfortable with advanced computers and machinery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their traditional background, while youth has a perfect lay ground for these technological advancements.
For example
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more knowledge regarding
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
computers, which will enable them to work faster
in comparison
to senior citizens.

Although, it is not ideal to give every work to this new breed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their less experience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
have the large variety
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Senior citizens know how to react to the various governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in order to provide better services,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lack of experience in less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can cause a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For instance
, if an individual is suffering from any kind of major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, he/she wants to have a consultation with a person with more knowledge and experience.

In a nutshell, with the increase in job opportunities for youth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for public sectors to increase their effectiveness.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that neither, all things can
be done
by a budding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group nor by the senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Sending criminals to prison is not an effective method of dealing with them. Education and job training should be used instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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