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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success. v.128

To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success. v. 128
Fundamental education is one of the primary pillars for any pupil to attain success in their lives. It is a highly discussed topic about whether a child’s education should undergo at home or school. While some prefer homeschool as it is cost-effective, others support the traditional way of education since that is more disciplined. In this essay, I will review both sides of the views before my own perspective that the conventional mode of education is way superior. The cogent reason why other people choose for homeschool is that it is economic. Since both partners could teach their children about the elementary education for a certain year at home, they would not need any school fees. For example, in Japan, a couple saved almost 10 thousand dollars by teaching their kids at home before placing them in junior high school. Thus, home school is an incredible way, when parents are keen to save money. On the other hand, the greatest reason why some people, including me, prefer a traditional way of education is that it is well-structured. When it comes to educational bodies, they usually follow a systematic methodology which includes theory lectures and practicals for training. To illustrate, an average student at a regular school needs to go through about 6-8 lectures and homework. Therefore, if a structured education is essential, then a regular schooling is the superior way to achieve the same. To conclude, pupils are more likely to become successful if they are taught well in their academics. This essay explained why some people are inclined towards homeschooling due to its cost, others opt for a day schooling as it is more structured. In my opinion, due to its structured way of teaching, traditional schools are significantly superior compared to teaching at home.
Fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is one of the primary pillars for any pupil to attain success in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It is a
highly
discussed topic about whether a child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should undergo at home or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer homeschool as it
is cost
-effective, others support the traditional way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
since
that is
more disciplined. In this essay, I will review both sides of the views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective that the conventional mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is way superior.

The cogent reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose for homeschool is that it is economic. Since both partners could teach their children about the elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for a certain year at home, they would not need any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
fees.
For example
, in Japan, a couple saved almost 10 thousand dollars by teaching their kids at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
placing them in junior high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Thus
, home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is an incredible way, when parents are keen to save money.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the greatest reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including me, prefer a traditional way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is that it is well-structured. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to educational bodies, they
usually
follow a systematic methodology which includes theory lectures and practicals for training. To illustrate, an average student at a regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
needs to go through about 6-8 lectures and homework.
Therefore
, if a structured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is essential, then a regular schooling is the superior way to achieve the same.

To conclude
, pupils are more likely to become successful if they
are taught
well in their academics. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
towards homeschooling due to its cost, others opt for a day schooling as it is more structured. In my opinion, due to its structured way of teaching, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
significantly
superior compared to teaching at home.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success. v. 128

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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