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Sending criminals to prison is not an effective method of dealing with them. Education and job training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Sending criminals to prison is not an effective method of dealing with them. Education and job training should be used instead. v. 2
It is argued that education and job training can be more effective ways than prisons to deal with criminals. I partly agree with this idea. The main reason why culprits should not be sent to prison is that there are some citizens who commit crime because they are not aware of it or they are forced to do so. For example, children under the age of eighteen who have violent behavior at school may not realize that what they are doing is wrong since they are not able to tell right from wrong. Therefore, education is the good fashion to help them foster the ability to distinguish right from wrong and prevent them from breaking laws in the future. Another case is that some criminals do not obey the laws for they are cornered. The poor-stricken people steal food or other daily necessities from others for they lack sources of income. If they are provided with job training and job opportunities, they may less likely to be thieves. On the other hand, however, some criminals should be sentenced to jail when they have committed crime. For instance, those repeat offenders should be put in prison because education has no effect on them and the bad conditions in the jail, such as confining them to a small place, can give them a golden chance to reflect on what they have done to others or the society. Besides, felons should also be arrested in jail for a long time now that this can not only help them turn into good residents but also protect others from being hurt again. To summarize, there is no doubt that sentencing criminals to jail is a good measure to address them. However, I still believe that the government should first provide education and job training in order to reduce the amount of crime.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
training can be more effective ways than prisons to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

The main reason why culprits should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to prison is that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens who commit crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not aware of
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it or
they
are forced
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
For example
, children under the age of eighteen who have violent behavior at school may not realize that what they are doing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
since they are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
fashion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them foster the ability to distinguish right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from breaking laws in the future. Another case is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
do not obey the laws for they
are cornered
. The poor-stricken
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
steal food or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
daily necessities from others for they lack sources of income. If they
are provided
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
training and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities, they may less likely to be thieves.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
should
be sentenced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
when they have committed crime.
For instance
, those repeat offenders should
be put
in prison
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has no effect on them and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
conditions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
, such as confining them to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
place, can give them a golden chance to reflect on what they have done to others or the society.
Besides
, felons should
also
be arrested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
for a long time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that this can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them turn into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
residents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
protect others from
being hurt
again.

To summarize
, there is no doubt that sentencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
measure to address them.
However
, I
still
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
first
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
training in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of crime.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Sending criminals to prison is not an effective method of dealing with them. Education and job training should be used instead. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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