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Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

scientits and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists? v. 1
These days, science and art are the foundation of our society. In the modern society, science and technology professionals get more respect than musicians and artists. I adamantly agree with this tendency because of their benefits for people and earning perspectives. Firstly, science experts are more valued because they earn much more money than the people of art. The fact is that, most of the students taking scientific courses are guaranteed to have well-paid job after their graduates. In contrast, most of the musicians and artists do not have stable salary. Despite the fact that both scientists and people of art make an equal effort for polishing their skills, artists and musicians still less financially stable. Secondly, scientists are constantly working to make our lives simpler. A lot of new things and inventions appear in our life, thanks to hard-working scientists and engineers. They not only invent but also do research and experiments to eliminate all the possible threats to our society. Scientists continually work and come up with ideas to improve our quality of life. In conclusion, I am certain that people working in the field of science and technology enjoy more respect than an artist. This is mainly due to the low earning potential of artist and tremendous impact of scientists on our society.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and art are the foundation of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more respect than musicians and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. I
adamantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this tendency
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and earning perspectives.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
experts are more valued
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they earn much more money than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of art. The fact is that, most of the students taking scientific courses
are guaranteed
to have well-paid job after their graduates.
In contrast
, most of the musicians and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
do not have stable salary. Despite the fact that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an equal effort for polishing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and musicians
still
less
financially
stable.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are
constantly
working to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
simpler.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
new things and inventions appear in our life, thanks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and engineers. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
invent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
do research and experiments to eliminate all the possible threats to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
continually
work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our quality of life.

In conclusion
, I am certain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology enjoy more respect than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
. This is
mainly
due to the low earning potential of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
and tremendous impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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