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A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. v.7

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. v. 7
The national security of a country is considered to be the primal duty of a government. Hence, some argue that authorities should allocate more funds for the improvement of the forces, although it would mean less money on the social development projects. In my opinion, despite the fact that the safety of a nation is crucial, the funding for social schemes are equally important. Most countries nowadays are threatened by the raising global terrorism and the neighbour nations who have conflicts with them. The citizens of every country live with the concerns regarding the safety of their lives. There are numerous recent example of  terrorist attacks which have cost many innocent lives, such as the Ester Sunday incident in Sri Lanka. Moreover, some nations are fighting with each other either for lands or due to difference in opinion. The result of these situations could instantly change to an unpleasant war. Therefore, considering aforementioned facts, it is imperative governments to allocate a major portion of the budget to the protection. On the other hand, if the authorities go overboard with the security funding, it could have a detrimental effect on the well-being of the society. People also require the social development provided by authorities. Especially the poor families heavily depend on the free education and medical facilities. Sometime, enforcing the security would not help the government to protect the nation. Because there could be riots form the inside of the country due to the scarcity of services provided by the government. In conclusion, enforcing the security is vital for a nation to face the global terrorism as well as the enemy nations. Nonetheless, it should not be the cost of social benefits because there is a portion of the population surviving thanks to those services.
The national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is considered
to be the primal duty of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that authorities should allocate more funds for the improvement of the forces, although it would mean less money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development projects. In my opinion, despite the fact that the safety of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is crucial, the funding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
schemes are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
nowadays
are threatened
by the raising global terrorism and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
who have conflicts with them. The citizens of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with the concerns regarding the safety of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. There are numerous recent example of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
terrorist attacks which have cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, such as the Ester Sunday incident in Sri Lanka.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are fighting with each other either for lands or due to difference in opinion. The result of these situations could
instantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to an unpleasant war.
Therefore
, considering aforementioned facts, it is imperative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to allocate a major portion of the budget to the protection.

On the other hand
, if the authorities go overboard with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
funding, it could have a detrimental effect on the well-being of the society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
also
require the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development provided by authorities.
Especially
the poor families
heavily
depend on the free education and medical facilities. Sometime, enforcing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there could be riots form the inside of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
due to the scarcity of services provided by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, enforcing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
is vital for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to face the global terrorism
as well
as the enemy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Nonetheless, it should not be the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a portion of the population surviving thanks to those services.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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