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Essay Sample Some scientists believe that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it as a positive development while others think it is a negative development. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Essay Sample Some scientists believe that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it as a positive development while others think it is a negative development. v. 1
Computers are the biggest invention of the human being and with the period of time it is replacing humans. Inventors thinks PC will become more intellectual than the individual. Some people opine that it is advantage and other say it is a drawback for people. This essay will discuss both the opinion and provide the evidence why there should be a balance of both. Firstly, usage of thinking machine has improved various sectors like health and printing sector. To illustrate, due to the development of artificial intelligence, machine even now robots can do the surgery in case there is no doctor present at the moment. Another factor is the earliest printing, flyer and newspapers was a very hectic job, but thanks to computer technology in just a few minutes we can now prints 100 of papers in one go. Even you are sitting at different place. You just need to give the command through your laptop and it will be done in minutes or sometime in seconds also. Thus, electronic machines have made are life easier then before. On the other hand, with these developments there is a high rate of unemployment. For instance, most of manufacturing companies now just use computer based technology and hire less humans. Thus, there is augment in unemployment. Secondly, this dependency is on the rise and we cannot even think of a single activity without automation. Furthermore, a lot of trade is done by robots or through a PC. For example, Now you can easily maintain your accounts in your laptop. So there is no need of a pupil being appointed. Therefore, machines lead to tremendous increases in jobless people. To sum up, Development is a vital but over dependence will be dangerous. Therefore, there must be limits to the services rendered by technology. So that human services can equally be useful in all sectors.
Computers are the biggest invention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being and with the period of time it is replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. Inventors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
PC will become more intellectual than the individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that it is advantage and other say it is a drawback for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This essay will discuss both the opinion and provide the evidence why there should be a balance of both.

Firstly
, usage of thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
various sectors like health and printing sector. To illustrate, due to the development of artificial intelligence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
robots can do the surgery in case there is no doctor present at the moment. Another factor is the earliest printing, flyer and newspapers was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hectic job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thanks to computer technology in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few minutes we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "print"
prints
100 of papers in one go. Even you are sitting at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place. You
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to give the command through your laptop and it will
be done
in minutes or sometime in seconds
also
.
Thus
, electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have made are life
Did you mean "easier than"?
easier then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

On the other hand
, with these developments there is a high rate of unemployment.
For instance
,
Consider using "most manufacturing" or "most of the manufacturing".
most of manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer based technology and hire
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun humans is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Thus
, there is
Consider using a past participle here: "augmented".
augment
in unemployment.
Secondly
, this dependency is on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rise and
we cannot even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of a single activity without automation.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
trade
is done
by robots or through a PC.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Now
you can
easily
maintain your accounts in your laptop.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there is no need of a pupil
being appointed
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
lead to tremendous increases in jobless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, Development is a vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
over dependence will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
Therefore
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be limits to the services rendered by technology.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
services can
equally
be useful in all sectors.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Essay Sample Some scientists believe that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it as a positive development while others think it is a negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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