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Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree? v.7

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. v. 7
According to some people, professionals working in the field of science and technology enjoy more respect than artists or musicians. I agree with this view and in my opinion, this trend will continue unless the career prospects of artists improve. To commence with, Unlike science and technology, the art sector does not offer many employment opportunities. There are only a handful of artists who make a decent living from their profession. To explain, most painters, singers and dancers are struggling to make both ends meet because they do not have enough platforms to showcase their talent. Even though they invested countless years for polishing their skill, many of them need another source of income to live comfortably. To illustrate further, many artists in a different part of the world earning through social media due to less opportunities in their field. As a result, artists remain struggles for life with no steady source of income By contrast, science and automation offer plenty of opportunities. To explain, New inventions emerge almost every day and students who pursue a course in science and technology have guaranteed job opportunities. Obviously, people working in these fields enjoy more respect. While it is true that it requires the same amount of hard work and dedication for a scientist and an artist to achieve recognition in their respective fields, an artist earns considerably lower than a scientist. Because of this reason, most parents discourage their children from pursuing art at university. In conclusion, it is true that scientists and engineers enjoy more respect than an artist. This is mainly due to lower earning potential of artists. While there are a few extremely successful singers and painters who earn exceptionally well, the vast majority of art professionals are struggling to get by. As long as this situation prevails in the social standing of artwork will not improve.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, professionals working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology enjoy more respect than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
or musicians. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and in my opinion, this trend will continue unless the career prospects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.

To commence with, Unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology, the art sector does not offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "handfuls", "handsful"?
handful
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decent living from their profession. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, most painters, singers and dancers are struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
both ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
platforms to showcase their talent.
Even though
they invested countless years for polishing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them need another source of income to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
. To illustrate
further
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part of the world earning through social media due to
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
remain struggles for life with no steady source of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
income


By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and automation offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, New inventions emerge almost every day and students who pursue a course in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology have guaranteed job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
.
Obviously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
enjoy more respect. While it is true that it requires the same amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication for a scientist and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
to achieve recognition in their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
earns
considerably
lower than a scientist.
Because of this
reason, most parents discourage their children from pursuing art at university.

In conclusion
, it is true that scientists and engineers enjoy more respect than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
. This is
mainly
due to lower earning potential of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. While there are a few
extremely
successful singers and painters who earn
exceptionally
well, the vast majority of art professionals are struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
by.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
long as this situation prevails in the social standing of artwork will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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