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scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists? to what extent do you agree? v.6

scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists? v. 6
Arts and science plays a crucial role in human lives. However, scientists and technology specialist are more assesed by modern community when compared to musicians and artists. I completely agree with this because individuals with immense intelligent quotient moves the society forward when compared to other fields. This essay will discuss why scientits and innovators are more valued than arts field. On the one hand, people from science background are highly respected because of the innovations they make to provide a long-term solution to the community problems. These individuals are highly respected as these people spend hours of time to improve homo-sapiens lives through technology. For example, Elon Musk who is an engineer invented a car which runs on electricity. This technology not only improves human lives by alleviating detrimental pollution, but also saves planet from toxic smoke that comes from regular vehicles. Thus, these people are considered more respected than people in other sectors. On the other hand, artists are the one which expresses their thoughts and feelings in various forms such as music, painting and movies. However, the true reality is that not everyone are regarded more valued because of various reasons such as fame and the ability to attract audience. To the contrary, this is the not case to some people like Micheal Jackson who is widely known around the world for his amazing music earned millions of dollars throughout his career. Therefore, artists are not valued more when compared to technology geeks. To conclude, scientists and technology geeks are considered to be highly valued because of their ability to take the society forward when compared to artists. I completely agree with this as this improves people lives in different ways.
Arts and science plays a crucial role in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
However
, scientists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
specialist are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
assesed
by modern community when compared to musicians and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals with immense intelligent quotient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
the society forward when compared to other fields. This essay will discuss why
Possible spelling mistake found.
scientits
and innovators are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valued
than arts field.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from science background are
highly
respected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the innovations they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to provide a long-term solution to the community problems. These individuals are
highly
respected as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend hours of time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
homo-sapiens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For example
, Elon Musk who is an engineer invented a car which runs on electricity. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
by alleviating detrimental pollution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
saves planet from toxic smoke that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from regular vehicles.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considered
more respected than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in other sectors.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are the one which expresses their thoughts and feelings in various forms such as music, painting and movies.
However
, the true reality is that not everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
regarded more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valued
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various reasons such as fame and the ability to attract audience. To the contrary, this is the not case to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like Micheal Jackson who is
widely
known around the world for his amazing music earned millions of dollars throughout his career.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valued
more when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
geeks.

To conclude
, scientists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
geeks
are considered
to be
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valued
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their ability to take the society forward when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this as this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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