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In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. In your opinion, what is influencing this? Is this a good or bad thing? v.3

In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. In your opinion, what is influencing this? Is this a good or bad thing? v. 3
Individuals in some nations follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. This essay will argue why I believe that the media and celebrities inspire people to follow this trend, and this is a negative development because people get discriminated if they cannot afford such styles. The media and public figures are responsible for influencing ordinary people to follow certain fashion. This is to say that ordinary people are always curious obout their favourite celebrity, so they watch their idols on the internet and TV and try to copy them by purchasing the same outfits and implementing the similar styles. Additionally, celebrities are also brand embassdors of many fashion and beauty products, hence they try to convince their fans to purchase the items they promote. For example, Zara admitted that their sell boosted up by 60% after they hired Angelina Jolie as their brand promoter in 2015. Following latest fashion and styles is an adverse trend because people may face discrimination among others if they are not on the same track. This means, there are many people who cannot afford the expensive brands and products that are currently in trend, and they may become the victims of humiliation by other people or friends. For instance, a recent study conducted by the BBC revealed that 15% of teenager children of poor parents in the UK get bullied by their counterparts at school or universities just because they cannot afford branded beauty products and latest designer clothes. In conclusion, people in some nations get updated with the latest fashion and styles. I think that this is because of the influence of the media and public figures, and it is a bad trend because not all people can afford such an expensive lifestyle.
Individuals in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations follow the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and hairstyles. This essay will argue why I believe that the media and celebrities inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
, and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
discriminated if they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
afford
such styles.

The media and public figures are responsible for influencing ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
. This is to say that ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always curious
Possible spelling mistake found.
obout
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
celebrity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their idols on the internet and TV and try to copy them by purchasing the same outfits and implementing the similar styles.
Additionally
, celebrities are
also
brand
Possible spelling mistake found.
embassdors
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and beauty products,
hence
they try to convince their fans to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the items they promote.
For example
, Zara admitted that their sell boosted up by 60% after they hired Angelina Jolie as their brand promoter in 2015.

Following latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and styles is an adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may face discrimination among others if they are not on the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
. This means, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
afford
the expensive brands and products that are
currently
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
, and they may become the victims of humiliation by other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or friends.
For instance
, a recent study conducted by the BBC revealed that 15% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
children of poor parents in the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bullied by their counterparts at school or universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
afford
branded beauty products and latest designer clothes.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
updated with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and styles. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the influence of the media and public figures, and it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
afford
such an expensive lifestyle.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. In your opinion, what is influencing this? Is this a good or bad thing? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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