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Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. v. 1
Science and art are the two strong pillars of the modern society. While scientists and technology experts are thought to be more appreciated by the people nowadays, I believe that musicians and other artists are equally valued in our society. On the one hand, the innovations and the discoveries of scientists have brought convenience in human lives. In other words, science and technology have changed the lifestyle of people like never before. Technology has made the earth as a global village with all modern amenities. For instance, developments in transport industry have considerably reduced the amount of time taken to travel from one place to another. Also, a team of scientists is continuously working on giving new dimensions to the medical science, thereby developing more vaccines and medicines to curb diseases and increasing the average lifespan of humans. Therefore, scientists and experts seem to be of greater importance to society as they have revolutionized an individual’s life. On the other hand, musicians and artists are no less valued by the society. In fact, human lives have become so stressful these days, that they resort to various forms of arts to relieve their stress. Music and painting are considered to be great stress-busters by many. Although, the way of appreciation and the taste for art has changed over the years, people still love musicians and artists, as its clear example is given by the huge fan following of musician Justin Bieber and painter M. F. Hussain. The increasing trend of being a part of reality shows showcasing art forms like dance and singing rather than being a mute spectator of such programs, shows that modern society views art equally as science and technology. In conclusion, though contributions made by scientists and technology experts towards the betterment of human life are significant; however, I believe that artists have played an equal role in the overall development of people. It is hoped that modern society continues to value every artist and scientist boosting them to work harder and better.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are the two strong pillars of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
experts are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be more appreciated by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are
equally
valued in our society.

On the one hand, the innovations and the discoveries of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
have brought convenience in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has made the earth as a global village with all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
amenities.
For instance
, developments in transport industry have
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the amount of time taken to travel from one place to another.
Also
, a team of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
is
continuously
working on giving new dimensions to the medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, thereby developing more vaccines and medicines to curb diseases and increasing the average lifespan of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and experts seem to be of greater importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as they have revolutionized an individual’s life.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are no less valued by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
stressful these days, that they resort to various forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
to relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Music and painting
are considered
to be great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-busters by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. Although, the way of appreciation and the taste for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, as its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the huge fan following of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musician
Justin Bieber and painter M. F. Hussain. The increasing trend of being a part of reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
showcasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
forms like dance and singing
rather
than being a mute spectator of such programs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
views
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology.

In conclusion
, though contributions made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
experts towards the betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life are significant;
however
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have played an equal role in the
overall
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It
is hoped
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
continues to value every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
boosting them to work harder and better.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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