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Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children in the past. Do you agree or disagree v.4

Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children in the past. v. 4
The childhood is considered as the golden period of the human's life. In this phase, everyone enjoy their lives, without any societal pressure and restrictions. It is a widely held belief that due to the change in the lifestyles of the parents, children are suffering a lot. I totally agree that many children suffer due to an inadequate time, parents can spend with them. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin before any conclusion can be drawn. Firstly, it is irrefutable to say that the modern jobs are way more demanding than it used to be in the past. Also, people are burning their midnight oils to earn better livelihood for their families which results into a lot of personal life disturbances. The children are the most ignorant ones in the family where both parents are working. Secondly, some parents are not even updated about their children's life. They do not know anything about their school and personal life, which can drift them away from their academic paths. For example, it is important to be updated about their new friends because any bad company can involve them into wrong doings. Thirdly, in this cut throat competition world, children may feel pressurised and suffocated, so it is important to have healthy conversations with your little ones. According to the education survey, the percentage of suicides among the children has gone up by 25%, which is an alarming situation. Finally, only parents can help their children in understanding the ins and outs of the life. Apart from the academic knowledge, it is important for them to turn into responsible citizens and understanding the situations of the real world. To conclude, I believe that it is important to keep a check on your children, as they should always have your back when they found themselves in trouble. It is possible to properly nourish your children by giving them adequate freedom and by keeping a strict watch on them, simultaneously.
The childhood
is considered
as the golden period of the human's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In this phase, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "enjoys", "enjoyed".
enjoy
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, without any societal pressure and restrictions. It is a
widely
held belief that due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the lifestyles of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are suffering a lot. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer due to an inadequate time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can spend with them. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion can
be drawn
.

Firstly
, it is irrefutable to say that the modern jobs are way more demanding than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in the past.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are burning their midnight oils to earn better livelihood for their families which results into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
disturbances. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the most ignorant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in the family where both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not even updated about their children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They do not know anything about their school and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, which can drift them away from their academic paths.
For example
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
be updated
about their new friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can involve them into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doings.

Thirdly
, in this
'cut throat' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "cut-throat".
cut throat
competition world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may feel
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
and suffocated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to have healthy conversations with your
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. According to the education survey, the percentage of suicides among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has gone up by 25%, which is an alarming situation.
Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in understanding the ins and outs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Apart from the academic knowledge, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for them to turn into responsible citizens and understanding the situations of the real world.

To conclude
, I believe that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as they should always have your back when they found themselves in trouble. It is possible to
properly
nourish your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by giving them adequate freedom and by keeping a strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on them,
simultaneously
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children in the past. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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