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Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.6

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 6
According to some people, children should be allowed to decide what they should eat, wear or watch. However, others opine that if children have the freedom to make their own choices, they will grow up into selfish individuals. In my opinion, children should definitely have the liberty to make their own decisions; however, since they are too young to understand what is good or bad for them, parents should help them make the right decisions. It is important for a child to learn how to make decisions regarding his lifestyle or future career as decision making is an important skill for success in life. When he is allowed to make his own choices he will learn to take the responsibility for his actions. This is another skill required for success. Needless to say, a child who takes small decisions right from his childhood can deal with the conflicts and challenges in life more efficiently. On the contrary, when children have total freedom to make their own choices, they may fail to consider the feelings of others. For example, a child may insist that he should be able to watch cartoon whenever he wants to. He may not consider what other members of the family want to watch on TV. If his parents allow him to have his way all the way, he will definitely grow into a selfish person who does not care for others. It is, therefore, important for parents to set the limits of the freedom their children can have. In conclusion, I believe that even though children should be allowed to make their own choices, parents should teach them to respect the feelings of others; otherwise, they may end up becoming selfish.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to decide what they should eat, wear or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
However
, others opine that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, they will grow up into selfish individuals. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should definitely have the liberty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
;
however
, since they are too young to understand what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the right decisions.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a child to learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
regarding his lifestyle or future career as
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for success in life. When he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
he will learn to take the responsibility for his actions. This is another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
required for success. Needless to say, a child who takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
right from his childhood can deal with the conflicts and challenges in life more
efficiently
.

On the contrary
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have total freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, they may fail to consider the feelings of others.
For example
, a child may insist that he should be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cartoon whenever he wants to. He may not consider what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of the family want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on TV. If his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
him to have his way all the way, he will definitely grow into a selfish person who does not care for others. It is,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to set the limits of the freedom their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have.

In conclusion
, I believe that
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach them to respect the feelings of others;
otherwise
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up becoming selfish.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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