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: Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

: Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 1
These days, the fact that most people have a tendency to consume an enormous amount of junk food is alarming as it can put their health into jeopardy in the future. Thus, it is imperative to take some serious actions to prevent this from continuing. While some people are of the opinion that education should be considered a key to tackle the problem, others hold the belief that education is unlikely to be effective. Although I partly side with the former, this essay will discuss both views. Firstly, many people, especially the young, may underestimate the impacts that junk food can exert on their bodies. It is evident that an excessive consumption of junk food may lead to some kinds of diseases such as obesity, or even diabetes. Accordingly, if individuals are educated about junk food’s dire consequences, they are more likely to refrain themselves from taking it. In fact, nowadays, education may take place in many forms such as presentations, or pictures which will be far more effective than the traditional way of learning. However, there are some people who try to neglect junk food’s negative effects. One of the reasons lies in the fact that it is faster and more convenient to eat junk food than to prepare a meal. Besides, junk food is assumed to be delicious and reasonably priced. Moreover, the immediate detrimental impacts of junk food are not manifest; as a result, people will find it not urgent to start caring for their health. For these reasons, although individuals are educated about ways to protecting themselves by putting an end to this pernicious eating habit, some of them still cannot resist its temptation. In conclusion, apart from education, collaborative efforts among government, schools and individuals might be the optimal choice for this issue.
These days, the fact that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to consume an enormous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is alarming as it can put their health into jeopardy in the future.
Thus
, it is imperative to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this from continuing. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be considered
a key to tackle the problem, others hold the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is unlikely to be effective. Although I partly side with the former, this essay will discuss both views.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the young, may underestimate the impacts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can exert on their bodies. It is evident that an excessive consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of diseases such as obesity, or even diabetes.
Accordingly
, if individuals
are educated
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food’s
dire consequences, they are more likely to refrain themselves from taking it. In fact, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
may take place in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forms such as presentations, or pictures which will be far more effective than the traditional way of learning.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who try to neglect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. One of the reasons lies in the fact that it is faster and more convenient to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than to prepare a meal.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is assumed
to be delicious and
reasonably
priced.
Moreover
, the immediate detrimental impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are not manifest;
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will find it not urgent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
caring for their health. For these reasons, although individuals
are educated
about ways to protecting themselves by putting an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to this pernicious eating habit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
still
cannot resist its temptation.

In conclusion
, apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, collaborative efforts among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, schools and individuals might be the optimal choice for this issue.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay : Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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