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It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults v.1

It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults v. 1
It is often believed by some folks that if we share information with others in any sector, it would be beneficial for both the parties. Whereas, others oppose this and say that such information, we should not share as it will considered as a breach of confidentiality. Firstly, this essay will discuss why it is advantageous to share and disadvantageous to share it with anyone. Lastly, state the opinion partially in the favour of both the notion due to various reasons. On the one hand, the major pros to share the information in the field of academic or research, is that it would increase the knowledge of the personality and provides him an immense accomplishment to share the ideas. This would result in the new invention if, the ideas look profitable for the company or the regime. For example, The Indian youth knowledge Center did a survey last year and revealed that 70% of the Indian younger generation used to share their information with the older generation that has increased the revolution and literacy rate in the nation. On the other hand, the crucial reason behind concealing the information from anyone is the privacy. As some information is a private and we should keep that secret from anyone. Because, if we share such personal details with others, they might take an advantage of it and do harm to the person by any means such as fraudulent activities in the bank account. For instance, As per the African fraudulent data of the last decade, there has been peaking in the number of the case reported of fraudulent activities due to sharing the personal details with the any local mobile phone company. So, from my point of view, It is a good idea to share such details related to the subject or the company. Perhaps, sometime it could dangerous to do so. Thus, it is better to have some limit or regulation where it is stated that what information should be shared and what not. In conclusion, Information sharing can be beneficial sometime, but not all the time. Hence, everyone should take a precaution before sharing any idea or details about anything with other. This would be an asset in declining the criminal activities around the globe.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks that if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
with others in any sector, it would be beneficial for both the parties. Whereas, others oppose this and say that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, we should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
as it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "consider"
considered
as a breach of confidentiality.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss why it is advantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
and disadvantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
it with anyone.
Lastly
, state the opinion
partially
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of both the notion due to various reasons.

On the one hand, the major pros to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in the field of academic or research, is that it would increase the knowledge of the personality and provides him an immense accomplishment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
. This would result in the new invention if, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
look profitable for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or the regime.
For example
, The Indian youth knowledge Center did a survey last year and revealed that 70% of the Indian younger generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
with the older generation that has increased the revolution and literacy rate in the nation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the crucial reason behind concealing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from anyone is the privacy. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
private and
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
that secret from anyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
such personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
with others, they might take an advantage of it and do harm to the person by any means such as fraudulent activities in the bank account.
For instance
, As per the African fraudulent data of the last decade, there has been peaking in the number of the case reported of fraudulent activities due to sharing the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
with the any local mobile phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, from my point of view, It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
related to the subject or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Perhaps, sometime it could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Thus
, it is better to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limit or regulation where it
is stated
that what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should
be shared
and what not.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
sharing can be beneficial sometime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all the time.
Hence
, everyone should take a precaution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
sharing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
about anything with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. This would be an asset in declining the criminal activities around the globe.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
375 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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