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Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 1
Does eating unhealthy food damages people's health? This topic is always the centre of discussion. Some of them think that educating people in this context will help, while others have a view that it will bring not much of a difference. This essay will discuss both the views, I, however, support the former view. On the one hand, the people advocating that making others aware of what they are eating will not work, as everyone is so busy and they don't have time to cook healthy meals. In addition to this, there are more places that sell fast food in comparison of the healthy meal stall, so they have very limited choices. Furthermore, most of the time, junk meals tastes better than the healthy food. Because of all these reasons, this group of the people thinks that there will be no change in the way people make their food choices. On the other hand, the people who believe that making the masses aware and educating them will bring about the huge difference. Firstly, most of them are not aware what they are eating, as most of the time they don't read the nutritional content mentioned in the product, so if they know the percentage of sodium, carbohydrates, fats in the products and how it will damage their health, next time they will be more aware in their choices. Secondly, educating the children in the school about healthy eating along side with the parents. For example, during the extracurricular activities the parents can be involved in school and grow fruits and vegetables along with their children and raise money by selling it. By this they will have a sense of accomplishment and will get to know more about growing healthy vegetables and fruits and eating healthy. To conclude, educating people about making a right choices and eating healthy will definitely help the society as a whole.
Does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
damages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health? This topic is always the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of discussion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this context will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, while others have a view that it will bring not much of a difference. This essay will discuss both the views, I,
however
, support the former view.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocating that making others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aware
of what they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
will not work, as everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
busy and
they don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
meals.
In addition
to this, there are more places that sell
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in comparison
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
meal stall,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited choices.
Furthermore
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, junk meals tastes better than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of all these reasons, this group of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that there will be no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that making the masses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aware
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educating
them will bring about the huge difference.
Firstly
, most of them are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aware
what they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
, as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they don't read the nutritional content mentioned in the product,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they know the percentage of sodium, carbohydrates, fats in the products and how it will damage their health,
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they will be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aware
in their choices.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educating
the children in the school about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
Did you mean "alongside"?
along side
with the parents.
For example
, during the extracurricular activities the parents can
be involved
in school and grow fruits and vegetables along with their children and raise money by selling it. By this they will have a sense of accomplishment and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know more about growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
vegetables and fruits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about making a right choices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the society as a whole.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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