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"We can learn more from people at a higher level than us (like teachers) than from people who are at the same level as us". v.1

"We can learn more from people at a higher level than us (like teachers) than from people who are at the same level as us". v. 1
These days’ marriage after thirties and having kids in these ages is becoming a trend, while many believe it is a frown upon trend, I firmly believe this way of living can lead to a happy life and its benefits outweigh drawbacks. Giving birth to older mothers could leave some unwanted disorder for both mothers and infants. It has been approved, pregnancy in matures, might cause some serious illness and have profound effects, especially on infants the number of dying infants among older parents are drastically more than younger one, also the number of children who have the down syndrome is higher in this period of life. Moreover, a huge age difference between parents and kids can be an issue in their upbringing because they maybe feel less like-minded, etc. Having appropriate accommodations and occupations, make a stable condition for people in their thirties. It has been proved that individuals in this age pass their both social and occupational infancy, so they have job security and can cope with the cost of living included bills, rent, etc. And are ready to transition, because marriage and having toddlers, definitely is a milestone in people's life and appropriate income can be splendid support for every family. Also, people at thirties are mature enough to avoid some silly failures which can easily ruin families and this maturity can lead a happy life. In conclusion, I believe making family for people who can afford is the best approach to have a happy life, but in my experience, people in thirties are more reliable and have more successful marriages.
These days’ marriage after thirties and having kids in these ages is becoming a trend, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe it is a frown upon trend, I
firmly
believe this way of living can lead to a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and its benefits outweigh drawbacks.

Giving birth to older mothers could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwanted disorder for both mothers and infants. It has
been approved
, pregnancy in matures, might cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious illness and have profound effects,
especially
on infants the number of dying infants among older parents are
drastically
more than younger one,
also
the number of children who have the down syndrome is higher in this period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, a huge age difference between parents and kids can be an issue in their upbringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they maybe feel less like-minded, etc.

Having appropriate accommodations and occupations,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a stable condition for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their thirties. It has
been proved
that individuals in this age pass their both social and occupational infancy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have job security and can cope with the cost of living included bills, rent, etc. And are ready to transition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
marriage and having toddlers, definitely is a milestone in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and appropriate income can be splendid support for every family.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at thirties are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
silly failures which can
easily
ruin families and this maturity can lead a happy life.

In conclusion
, I believe making family for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can afford is the best approach to have a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my experience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in thirties are more reliable and have more successful marriages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay "We can learn more from people at a higher level than us (like teachers) than from people who are at the same level as us". v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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