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some people think that money is one of the essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without money. what other factors contribute towards happiness. v.2

some people think that money is one of the essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without money. what other factors contribute towards happiness. v. 2
These days’ marriage after thirties and having kids in these ages is becoming a trend, while many believe it is a frown upon trend, I firmly believe this way of living can lead to a happy life and its benefits outweigh drawbacks. Giving birth to older mothers could leave some unwanted disorder for both mothers and infants. It has been approved, pregnancy in matures, might cause some serious illness and have profound effects, especially on infants the number of dying infants among older parents is drastically more than the younger one, also the number of children who have the down syndrome is higher in this period of life. Moreover, a huge age difference between parents and kids can be an issue in their upbringing because they maybe feel less like-minded, etc. Having appropriate accommodations and occupations, make a stable condition for people in their thirties. It has been proved that individuals in this age pass their both social and occupational infancy, so they have job security and can cope with the cost of living included bills, rent, etc. And are ready to transition, because marriage and having toddlers, definitely is a milestone in people's life and appropriate income can be splendid support for every family. Also, people at thirties are mature enough to avoid some silly failures which can easily ruin families and this maturity can lead a happy life. In conclusion, I believe making family for people who can afford is the best approach to have a happy life, but in my experience, people in thirties are more reliable and have more successful marriages.
These days’ marriage after thirties and having kids in these ages is becoming a trend, while
many
believe it is a frown upon trend, I
firmly
believe this way of living can lead to a happy
life
and its benefits outweigh drawbacks.

Giving birth to older mothers could
leave
some
unwanted disorder for both mothers and infants. It has
been approved
, pregnancy in matures, might cause
some
serious illness and have profound effects,
especially
on infants the number of dying infants among older parents is
drastically
more than the younger one,
also
the number of children who have the down syndrome is higher in this period of
life
.
Moreover
, a huge age difference between parents and kids can be an issue in their upbringing
because
they maybe feel less like-minded, etc.

Having appropriate accommodations and occupations,
make
a stable condition for
people
in their thirties. It has
been proved
that individuals in this age pass their both social and occupational infancy,
so
they have job security and can cope with the cost of living included bills, rent, etc. And are ready to transition,
because
marriage and having toddlers, definitely is a milestone in
people
's
life
and appropriate income can be splendid support for every family.
Also
,
people
at thirties are mature
enough
to avoid
some
silly failures which can
easily
ruin families and this maturity can lead a happy life.

In conclusion
, I believe making family for
people
who can afford is the best approach to have a happy
life
,
but
in my experience,
people
in thirties are more reliable and have more successful marriages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that money is one of the essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without money. what other factors contribute towards happiness. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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