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Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.11

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 11
People have different views about workable solutions to the problem of fast food consumption that harm the human’s health. While some people argue that education can solve this issue, I believe that measure is not efficient. On the one hand, there is a common belief that education can tackle the issue of junk food overconsumption because of two key reasons. Firstly, education can help people comprehend serious harm of fast food that can significantly affect people' s health. For example, through the media, such as on television or articles, authorities can frequently educate people on the considerable damage of eating too much junk food. Secondly, education programmes related to nutrition knowledge play an important role in raising residents’ awareness of consuming wholesome food. As a result, people are likely to reduce an excessive dependence on fast food. On the other hand, I strongly endorse that education measure is not effective to prohibit junk food overeating. The first supporting point for the view is that in the modern life, residents tend to be more ambitious. For instance, they devote most of their time to earning money and pursuing a successful career. Thus, those individuals choose fast food as their main priorities due to its convenience. Moreover, because of an extremely low price, fast food still receive special attention of a great number of poor people whose major priority are money instead of their health. In conclusion, although there are some reasonable arguments in favour of education solution, it seems to me this measure is pointless to deal with the problem of fast food overeating.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solutions to the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption that harm the human’s health. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can solve this issue, I believe that measure is not efficient.

On the one hand, there is a common belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can tackle the issue of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
overconsumption
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two key reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
comprehend serious harm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that can
significantly
affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s health.
For example
, through the media, such as on television or articles, authorities can
frequently
educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the considerable
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
eating too much junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
related to nutrition knowledge play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in raising residents’ awareness of consuming wholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
an excessive dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
food.

On the other hand
, I
strongly
endorse that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
measure is not effective to prohibit junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
overeating. The
first
supporting point for the view is that in the modern life, residents tend to be more ambitious.
For instance
, they devote most of their time to earning money and pursuing a successful career.
Thus
, those individuals choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as their main priorities due to its convenience.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of an
extremely
low price,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
still
receive special attention of a great number of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose major priority are money
instead
of their health.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasonable arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
solution, it seems to me this measure is pointless to deal with the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
overeating.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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