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It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults v.2

It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults v. 2
As responsible citizens of a progressive society, there is often an expectation bound to all the young adults that they should get involved in unpaid work to assist people in their community. Although there are drawbacks to such activities, I would argue that these are outweighed by the benefits. The drawbacks associated with this primarily include the time that a young adult would put in helping people. This time could very well be used in enhancing current skills, developing new skills, strengthening educational qualifications and then applying for competitive and high status jobs. Also, youth is that stage of life that allows enjoyment without being tied down with the responsibilities that arise with age. Spending the little leisure time that they get in helping the community would steal from them the pleasures of exploring their individuality. On the other hand, providing unpaid help to people in the community also comes with significant advantages. The young adults of today become the leaders and innovators of tomorrow. If today they learn the value of moving forward while helping others move forward, they will understand what true progress and success means and that money is not everything. They will learn to empathize with each other, be sensitive to each other’s needs and make choices that benefit one and all. This in turn will also help communities prosper. With people being able to reach out to each other in cases of need, neighborhoods and cities could hopefully become become better places to live in, which is precisely what is needed in society today. To sum up, overall I believe that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks. The requirement to undertake community service must be a key part of the life cycle of young adults and encouraged wherever possible.
As responsible citizens of a progressive society, there is
often
an expectation bound to all the
young
adults
that they should
get
involved in unpaid work to assist
people
in their
community
. Although there are drawbacks to such activities, I would argue that these
are outweighed
by the benefits.

The drawbacks associated with this
primarily
include the time that a
young
adult would put in helping
people
. This time could
very
well be
used
in enhancing
current
skills
, developing new
skills
, strengthening educational qualifications and then applying for competitive and high status jobs.
Also
, youth is that stage of life that
allows
enjoyment without
being tied
down with the responsibilities that arise with age. Spending the
little
leisure time that they
get
in helping the
community
would steal from them the pleasures of exploring their individuality.

On the
other
hand, providing unpaid
help
to
people
in the
community
also
comes
with significant advantages. The
young
adults
of
today
become the leaders and innovators of tomorrow. If
today
they learn the value of moving forward while helping others
move
forward, they will understand what true progress and success means and that money is not everything. They will learn to empathize with each
other
, be sensitive to each
other’s
needs and
make
choices that benefit one and all. This in turn will
also
help
communities
prosper. With
people
being able to reach out to each
other
in cases of need, neighborhoods and cities could
hopefully
become become
better places to
live
in, which is
precisely
what
is needed
in society
today
.

To sum up,
overall
I believe that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks. The requirement to undertake
community
service
must
be a key part of the life cycle of
young
adults
and encouraged wherever possible.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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