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It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults v.2

It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults v. 2
As responsible citizens of a progressive society, there is often an expectation bound to all the young adults that they should get involved in unpaid work to assist people in their community. Although there are drawbacks to such activities, I would argue that these are outweighed by the benefits. The drawbacks associated with this primarily include the time that a young adult would put in helping people. This time could very well be used in enhancing current skills, developing new skills, strengthening educational qualifications and then applying for competitive and high status jobs. Also, youth is that stage of life that allows enjoyment without being tied down with the responsibilities that arise with age. Spending the little leisure time that they get in helping the community would steal from them the pleasures of exploring their individuality. On the other hand, providing unpaid help to people in the community also comes with significant advantages. The young adults of today become the leaders and innovators of tomorrow. If today they learn the value of moving forward while helping others move forward, they will understand what true progress and success means and that money is not everything. They will learn to empathize with each other, be sensitive to each other’s needs and make choices that benefit one and all. This in turn will also help communities prosper. With people being able to reach out to each other in cases of need, neighborhoods and cities could hopefully become become better places to live in, which is precisely what is needed in society today. To sum up, overall I believe that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks. The requirement to undertake community service must be a key part of the life cycle of young adults and encouraged wherever possible.
As responsible citizens of a progressive society, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
an expectation bound to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in unpaid work to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Although there are drawbacks to such activities, I would argue that these
are outweighed
by the benefits.

The drawbacks associated with this
primarily
include the time that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult would put in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This time could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in enhancing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, developing new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, strengthening educational qualifications and then applying for competitive and high status jobs.
Also
, youth is that stage of life that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
enjoyment without
being tied
down with the responsibilities that arise with age. Spending the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
leisure time that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
would steal from them the pleasures of exploring their individuality.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, providing unpaid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with significant advantages. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
become the leaders and innovators of tomorrow. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
they learn the value of moving forward while helping others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward, they will understand what true progress and success means and that money is not everything. They will learn to empathize with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, be sensitive to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
needs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
choices that benefit one and all. This in turn will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
prosper. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being able to reach out to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in cases of need, neighborhoods and cities could
hopefully
Possible typo: you repeated a word
become become
better places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, which is
precisely
what
is needed
in society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

To sum up,
overall
I believe that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks. The requirement to undertake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a key part of the life cycle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and encouraged wherever possible.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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