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"We can learn more from people at a higher level than us (like teachers) than from people who are at the same level as us". v.2

"We can learn more from people at a higher level than us (like teachers) than from people who are at the same level as us". v. 2
Controversy exists over whether we can learn more from people at a higher level than us than people at the same level as us. I believe, however, everyone in every level can teach us something new and valuable. The level of education and even age do not matter at all. The first subtle point is that different people have various experiences and cultures. For example, when I came to USA I found a nice Indian friend who helped me to practice English more. She is younger than me and got her GED license in those years while I am pharmacist and I could think that she cannot help me because I am at higher level of education and even seven years older. Therefore, it is important to take into account every people with different opinions. Furthermore, people at higher levels do not have enough time to spend for us because they are also interested to learn new knowledge from others. For instance, at Kerman University in Pharmacy school, I had some classes to solve other students’ problem because our professor had a lot of papers to review and meeting to attend. As I was an excellent student in some fields like organic chemistry or anatomy, I helped others to amend their mistakes and get better scores. Thus, classmates can practice together and solve problems together more than a teacher. Admittedly, there are some courses and information that we cannot understand them without a good and knowledgeable teacher. We need someone to guide us at first to realize fundamental rules and then we can continue to discover more without any help but they are limited. In the former example, after solving some basic questions I was able to practice at home with more difficult questions and improve my abilities then teach them to my classmates. Therefore, higher levels of experience and education to teach others are not significant. For aforementioned reasons discussed above, I assert that people in same level as us can teach us exactly similar to people at higher levels.
Controversy exists over whether we can learn more from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
than us than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
as us. I believe,
however
, everyone in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
us something new and valuable. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of education and even age do not matter at all.

The
first
subtle point is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have various experiences and cultures.
For example
, when I came
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the USA".
to USA
I found a nice Indian friend who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to practice English more. She is younger than me and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
her GED license in those years while I am pharmacist and I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that she cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am at higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of education and even seven years older.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take into account every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend for us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
also
interested to learn new knowledge from others.
For instance
, at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kerman
University in Pharmacy school, I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classes to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
students’ problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our professor had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
papers to review and meeting to attend. As I was an excellent student in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields like organic chemistry or anatomy, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
others to amend their mistakes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better scores.
Thus
, classmates can practice together and solve problems together more than a teacher.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
courses and information that we cannot understand them without a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and knowledgeable teacher. We need someone to guide us at
first
to realize fundamental
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rules and
then we can continue to discover more without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
are limited
. In the former example, after solving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic questions I was able to practice at home with more difficult questions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my abilities
Did you mean "than"?
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them to my classmates.
Therefore
, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of experience and education to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
others are not significant.

For aforementioned reasons discussed above, I assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
as us can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
us exactly similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay "We can learn more from people at a higher level than us (like teachers) than from people who are at the same level as us". v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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