Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.10

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 10
It is believed that people are suffering from numerous health-related issues due to the excessive consumption of unhealthy food. Some people hold the thought that education is such an applicable solution while others have little faith in this scheme. In my view, education plays a vital role in reducing the over-consumption of junk food. On the one hand, it is suspicious that the educational approach is not an effective measure because of the following reasons. To begin with, nobody can deny that junk food has its own valuable characteristics. For instance, hamburgers or pizzas are considered the best choices for their addictive tastes and convenience while it seems to be time-consuming to prepare for a proper nutritious meal. In addition, some people who experience financial difficulties find it challenging to pay for a three-course meal. Therefore, they eat processed food on a daily basis to diminish their expenditure despite being aware of its potential consequences. On the other hand, educating people and raising their awareness towards the hazard of unwholesome food are believed to yield some auspicious outcomes. Firstly, general education programs can provide people with adequate knowledge of nutrition and food safety. As a result, people would have the competence to distinguish between domestic commodities and junk food which contains a large number of detrimental substances. Secondly, knowledge of health-related issues seems beneficial to encourage healthy habits. People would have a nourishing diet if they have opportunities to take part in some extracurricular activities like cooking with healthy ingredients. In conclusion, there are multitudinous opinions about whether education actions could help to tackle this phenomenon. In my opinion, I do believe that education can be a worthwhile measure with careful consideration.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from numerous health-related issues due to the excessive consumption of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is such an applicable solution while others have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
faith in this scheme. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a vital role in reducing the over-consumption of junk food.

On the one hand, it is suspicious that the educational approach is not an effective measure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nobody can deny that junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
valuable characteristics.
For instance
, hamburgers or pizzas
are considered
the best choices for their addictive tastes and convenience while it seems to be time-consuming to prepare for a proper nutritious meal.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who experience financial difficulties find it challenging
Did you mean "paying"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to pay
for a three-course meal.
Therefore
, they eat processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on a daily basis to diminish their expenditure despite being aware of its potential consequences.

On the other hand
, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and raising their awareness towards the hazard of unwholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are believed
to yield
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
auspicious outcomes.
Firstly
, general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
programs can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with adequate knowledge of nutrition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
safety.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have the competence to distinguish between domestic commodities and junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which contains
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
detrimental substances.
Secondly
, knowledge of health-related issues seems beneficial to encourage healthy habits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
would have a nourishing diet if they have opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extracurricular activities like cooking with healthy ingredients.

In conclusion
, there are multitudinous opinions about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
actions could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to tackle this phenomenon. In my opinion, I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can be a worthwhile measure with careful consideration.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts