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Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.8

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 8
A number of people consider schools as institutions purposed exclusively for teaching, whereas others suggest schoolrooms should be more enjoyable places. I believe educational institutions should offer more engaging learning programs in order to improve socialization of children and promote their effectiveness. Firstly, dullness has always been the central problem of one’s productivity, especially at schools. This is because repetitive and monotonous learning atmosphere results in lack of interest among young generations. Take for example, a study conducted by Finnish Ministry of education in which mini-series that combined educational and entertaining elements was developed and presented to students. The subsequent results showed the potential of edutainment to promote critical thinking, increased engagement, and mindset growth. Therefore, as more and more children are having the same problem in their schools, having a school entertainment can quickly soothe their boredom. Secondly, from our perspectives, there is little social interaction taking place in many of today’s classrooms from kindergarten through college. This is due to the fact that those children can be sitting in the same room together all day without having a proper interaction with each other because of the workloads. For instance, having a trip going somewhere nice would be a great helper to know each other and eventually bring them closer. It strengthens their bond as students as well their respect for the teachers. Consequently, social interaction, such as meaningful dialogue among learners is vital to the learning process. To conclude from the examples and arguments given I firmly believe that education and entertainment frequently intersect, and when they do, we can enjoy the best of both worlds such as rich delights and profound learning.
A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as institutions purposed exclusively for teaching, whereas others suggest schoolrooms should be more enjoyable places. I believe educational institutions should offer more engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
programs in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
socialization of children and promote their effectiveness.

Firstly
, dullness has always been the central problem of one’s productivity,
especially
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
repetitive and monotonous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
atmosphere results in lack of interest among young generations. Take
for example
, a study conducted by Finnish Ministry of education in which mini-series that combined educational and entertaining elements
was developed
and presented to students. The subsequent results
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the potential of edutainment to promote critical thinking, increased engagement, and mindset growth.
Therefore
, as more and more children are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the same problem in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
entertainment can
quickly
soothe their boredom.

Secondly
, from our perspectives, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
social interaction taking place in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s classrooms from kindergarten through college.
This is due to the fact that
those children can be sitting in the same room together all day without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a proper interaction with each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the workloads.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a trip going somewhere nice would be a great helper to know each other and
eventually
bring them closer. It strengthens their bond as students
as well
their respect for the teachers.
Consequently
, social interaction, such as meaningful dialogue among learners is vital to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process.

To conclude
from the examples and arguments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
I
firmly
believe that education and entertainment
frequently
intersect, and when they do, we can enjoy the best of both worlds such as rich delights and profound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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