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Education, from preschool through university, should be paid for by the government and therefore free to students. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

Education, from preschool through university, should be paid for by the government and therefore free to students. v. 6
Education gives us a knowledge of the world around us and changes it into something better. It develops a perspective in us of looking at life differently. It is often argued that studies from elementary school through college should be free of cost and federal or either provincial government pay for their students. I completely agree with this opinion and, think that it will help more children get the literacy. First of all, I believe that if the ministry agrees to pay the tuition for the students, especially for those who cannot afford even basic learning will benefit them to grain knowledge. And, finally be able to live a normal life, instead of getting into trouble or bad company and commit crimes. Moreover, this approach will be beneficial for students and their families get rid of education loans. For instance, according to the American Center of Progress report on the Student Debt Crisis within the past three decades the debt has reached over $1. 5 trillion. Thus, if the government use this money as to pay their fees instead of lend it to the person actively learning, it will no longer be able to crush the younger generation. Another point to consider, it will provide greater opportunities like to choose a major of your own choice or the subject you enjoy the most. And, in this way more and more kids will be able to study in their field of choice and as a nation, we'll get more and more educated people make their countries better and better. For example, in India most of the students who have ambitions to become a doctor, but are not able to fulfil their dreams. Because, to become a doctor it is so much more costly in India and that is why students choose to go into different fields in which they have zero interest. In conclusion, society benefits tremendously by offering its citizens free studies. While the government need not subsidize some highly profitable professions, the general benefit of a fully funded education should be extended to all.
Education gives us a knowledge of the world around us and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
it into something better. It develops a perspective in us of looking at life
differently
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that studies from elementary school through college should be free of cost and federal or either provincial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
pay for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
more children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the literacy.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that if the ministry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
to pay the tuition for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
especially
for those who cannot afford even basic learning will benefit them to grain knowledge. And,
finally
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a normal life,
instead
of getting into trouble or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and commit crimes.
Moreover
, this approach will be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and their families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of education loans.
For instance
, according to the American Center of Progress report on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
Debt Crisis within the past three decades the debt has reached over $1. 5 trillion.
Thus
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this money as to pay their fees
instead
of lend it to the person
actively
learning, it will no longer be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to crush the younger generation.

Another point to consider, it will provide greater opportunities like to choose a major of your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice or the subject you enjoy the most. And, in this way more and more kids will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to study in their field of choice and as a nation, we'll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more and more educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their countries better and better.
For example
, in India most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have ambitions to become a doctor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to fulfil their dreams.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, to become a doctor it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much more costly in India and
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose to go into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields in which they have zero interest.

In conclusion
, society benefits
tremendously
by offering its citizens free studies. While the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need not subsidize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
highly
profitable professions, the general benefit of a
fully
funded education should
be extended
to all.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Education, from preschool through university, should be paid for by the government and therefore free to students. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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