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“All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. ” To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.5

“All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. ” v. 5
Education and healthcare are both indispensable to all the people in the country. However, people often argued that both healthcare and education must be complimentary for all the people. From my perspective, I completely disagree with the statement, and I opine that people should be charged and everyone has to pay their fare share when using either of the services. Firstly, if the students have to pay the tuition they will value the education more. In other words, if the government provides the schools and colleges with fundings and enough resources, without letting them to pay for a single thing, nobody will try to understand the real value of it and they will definitely exploit these resources. For example, in Taiwan's universities, where people pay for the education, they get the complete access to the university libraries to get the valuable knowledge, and they know it if they exploit the books, then they have to pay the fine. Moving forward, if the hospitals will start treating patients without charging them, in no time hospitals will get overwhelmed. In that case, people who actually need the immediate medical attention will not be able to get it on time. Whereas, those who do not need it will get that attention. For instance, Canada has a free medical system, and because of this waiting time to see a general physician or to get an emergency treatment is being too longer than normal. Thus, some of the patients die without even getting the proper treatment. In conclusion, both the services are essential, one is to provide with superior knowledge and other is to provide with good health and well-being. It is necessary for the people to pay for these services and try their best not to waste it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
and healthcare are both indispensable to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the country.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that both healthcare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be complimentary for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. From my perspective, I completely disagree with the statement, and I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be charged
and everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
their fare share when using either of the services.

Firstly
, if the students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the tuition they will value the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
more.
In other words
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provides the schools and colleges with
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources, without letting them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for a single thing, nobody will try to understand the real value of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they will definitely exploit these resources.
For example
, in Taiwan's universities, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the complete access to the university libraries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the valuable knowledge, and they know it if they exploit the books, then they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the fine.

Moving forward, if the hospitals will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
treating patients without charging them, in no time hospitals will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
overwhelmed.
In that case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who actually need the immediate medical attention will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it on time.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, those who do not need it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that attention.
For instance
, Canada has a free medical system, and
because of this
waiting time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a general physician or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an emergency treatment is being
The word 'to' seems to be wrong here.
too longer
than normal.
Thus
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
patients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
without even getting the proper treatment.

In conclusion
, both the services are essential, one is to provide with superior knowledge and other is to provide with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and well-being. It is necessary for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for these services and try their best not to waste it.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay “All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. ” v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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