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Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on the society? v.7

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on the society? v. 7
In recent times, people continue to spend less and less time at home. Some responsible factors are industrialization and increasing workload. They also have their accompanying effects on individuals and the society as a whole. One of the reasons is increasing work load, especially among the working class in corporate organizations. Due to the need to deliver, people are in constant struggle to meet up with deadlines and deliver quality results. This has made many people spend a lot of times outside their homes working. Some organizations offer to pay workers who are willing to give extended hours. Another reason is industrialization. With industrialization comes with many opportunities. This makes people migrate to industrialized areas. This has caused congestion in most industrialized cities. In cities like Lagos for instance, where the major system of transportation is by road, commuters spend a lot of time in transit, and this makes them leave their homes early and come back late. Some would rather sleep outside their homes to avoid traffic delays. People who do not spend enough time at home are disconnected from their families, therefore, a lot of people miss out on the important periods of their kid's development. An example is a family where both parents are in full time employment. Another way to look at it is the creation of employment for people in the society. Because people spend less time at home, they employ care givers to take care of their kids. Thereby helping employment in the society. Also, this can affect the productivity of some individuals. People rest more comfortably in their homes, as a result, get well recharged. And some researchers have linked resting to productivity. People who relax more after work tend to be more productive. In conclusion, although spending less hours at home has its bad effects, there are some good sides to it. People will generally appreciate staying more in their homes than they do now.
In recent
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times
,
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people
continue to
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spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
responsible factors are industrialization and increasing workload. They
also
have their accompanying effects on individuals and the society as a whole.

One of the reasons is increasing work load,
especially
among the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in corporate organizations. Due to the need to deliver,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in constant struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with deadlines and deliver quality results. This has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
working.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
organizations offer to pay workers who are willing to give extended hours.

Another reason is industrialization. With industrialization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities.
Did you mean "these"?
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate to industrialized areas. This has caused congestion in most industrialized cities. In cities like Lagos
for instance
, where the major system of transportation is by road, commuters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in transit, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
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homes
early and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back late.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would
rather
sleep outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
to avoid traffic delays.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who do not
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spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home
are disconnected
from their families,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
miss out on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
periods of their kid's development. An example is a family where both parents are in full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
employment.

Another way to look at it is the creation of employment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home, they employ care givers to take care of their kids. Thereby helping employment in the society.

Also
, this can affect the productivity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
rest more
comfortably
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
,
as a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well recharged. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers have linked resting to productivity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who relax more after work tend to be more productive.

In conclusion
, although spending
Did you mean "fewer hours"?
less hours
at home has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sides to it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will
generally
appreciate staying more in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
than they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on the society? v. 7

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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