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More and more businesses as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating. v.1

More and more businesses as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating. v. 1
Technology has brought about a considerable shift in the way communication between individuals and companies take place; a shift from the traditional face to face interaction towards online communication. However, the central question is whether the change is positive, or whether there are more drawbacks than advantages? One of the major plus points of online interaction is there are less chances of fraud. No one can deny that they have said a particular thing as there is a record of everything. For instance, if a company promises to offer its employee a bonus of 1000 and the information is sent via mail, the organisation cannot deny having sent it. If it does, it has to prove that the mail was malicious. Secondly, online interaction seems to fit in the busy world we live in. Most people don’t have time to travel, but they still can interact with people they want to in just a click. Even more, it bridges the gap between people living far away. Example- friends who don’t meet regularly can stay in touch using any of the social media sites. On the other hand it can be very easy to get distracted if you are constantly chatting online. Like, in a recent survey it was found out that people who used social media tend to be lesser effective at work than those who avoided there use during work. Another major disadvantage of online interaction is the security issue. Since the entire communication is online, it is quite possible that someone might drop in the conversation and steal the important passwords or information. To conclude, there are both positives and negatives to the use of technology for communication. In spite of the fact that it brings people together and eases communication, some people don’t find it reliable in case of secret information. Personally, I believe that although technology makes life easier one must not entirely depend on it for everything.
Technology has brought about a considerable shift in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
between individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
take place; a shift from the traditional face to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
However
, the central question is whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, or whether there are more drawbacks than advantages?

One of the major plus points of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
is there are
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun chances is countable.
less
chances of fraud. No one can deny that they have said a particular thing as there is a record of everything.
For instance
, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
promises to offer its employee a bonus of 1000 and the information is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
via mail, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
cannot deny having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
it. If it does, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
prove that the mail was malicious.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
seems to fit in the busy world we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t have time to travel,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
still
can interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they want to in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click. Even more, it bridges the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living far away. Example- friends who don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
regularly
can stay in touch using any of the social media sites.

On the other hand
it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted if you are
constantly
chatting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. Like, in a recent survey it
was found
out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
social media tend to be lesser effective at work than those who avoided there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
during work. Another major disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
is the security issue. Since the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, it is quite possible that someone might drop in the conversation and steal the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
passwords or information.

To conclude
, there are both positives and negatives to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that it brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t find it reliable in case of secret information.
Personally
, I believe that although technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life easier one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
entirely
depend on it for everything.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay More and more businesses as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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