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It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.6

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 6
Some people claim that technological devices such as television, mobile phones and other entertaining electronic items will have a tremendous impact on society. Furthermore, they are even worried that traditions and cultural customs will diminish. In my opinion, I believe that those fears are mainly unfounded. However, I would not totally disagree that there is some truth to those people’s notions. On the one hand, technology makes is possible for people to stay in contact with others who share interests, such as, traditions, religions and other cultural values. In other words, many members of our society lack friends who share the same amount of dedication towards specific traditions. This may be one of the results of moving to another country, where the culture is completely different compared to the one in their land of origin. A study conducted in the US has shown that communicating on the internet about specific interests has increased the overall happiness of such people. On the other hand, using technological devices had the disadvantage that people stop looking for local communities who share the same field of interest. Furthermore, authors say, that those who share their cultural value online do not tend to integrate in their new surroundings. Consequently, they might feel lonely and fail to live their traditions in real life. In conclusion, there are two sides to technology. Even though I agree to a great extent that technology benefits and connects people of the same culture, I also see disadvantages. People may feel isolated from their local communities, which may lead to loneliness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that technological devices such as television, mobile phones and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
entertaining electronic items will have a tremendous impact on society.
Furthermore
, they are even worried that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and cultural customs will diminish. In my opinion, I believe that those fears are
mainly
unfounded.
However
, I would not
totally
disagree that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
notions.

On the one hand, technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
is possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay in contact with others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
interests, such as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, religions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultural values. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
members of our society lack friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
the same amount of dedication towards specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
. This may be one of the results of moving to another country, where the culture is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
compared to the one in their land of origin. A study conducted in the US has shown that communicating on the internet about specific interests has increased the
overall
happiness of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, using technological devices had the disadvantage that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
looking for local communities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
the same field of interest.
Furthermore
, authors say, that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their cultural value online do not tend to integrate in their new surroundings.
Consequently
, they might feel lonely and fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
in real life.

In conclusion
, there are two sides to technology.
Even though
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to a great extent that technology benefits and connects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the same culture, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
disadvantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may feel isolated from their local communities, which may lead to loneliness.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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