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Science can now offer people a life expectancy of close to one hundred years or even more. Some people view it in a positive light, but others believe it creates some problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Science can now offer people a life expectancy of close to one hundred years or even more. Some people view it in a positive light, but others believe it creates some problems. v. 1
The school starting age is very important for the future prospects of children. While in some countries, people believe that the appropriate age is four; in others, the age of children to start formal education is normally seven or eight. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this latter view. Admittedly, it is claimed that by dint of starting school earlier, children will have a chance to learn more than the ones at the same age, who still stay at home. Therefore, they can develop and sharpen their thinking very early and may achieve the greater academic result in the future. However, the irony here is that hardly could a four year old child follow the school curriculum with many difficult subjects such as Math or Science, while their mind and their constitution have not grown up sufficiently. In addition, they have to suffer many tensions to get good marks at school, which may lead to their stress and depression. For instance, in my hometown, some of the children who begin to study earlier, easily to be under-pressure than others. On the other hand, a child at 7 or 8 years old, who are more mature and have more experience in their life, can totally stand all the pressure at school. Moreover, with an advantage of developmental brain, an older child will obtain a better performance than a younger child in academic test. For example, my nephew, who got to school at five, only ranked 15th in his class according the result of Math exams. Hence, whereas older children always feel confident to study and take the exam younger, maybe not reliant on their ability due to the poor result at class. As a consequence, this will cause the detrimental effect on their mental development. In conclusion, although the fact is that the starting age for school can be optional in some countries, parents should consider carefully and do not take their children to school too early at four years old.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the future prospects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is four; in others, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
formal education is
normally
seven or eight. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this latter view.

Admittedly
, it
is claimed
that by dint of starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
earlier,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have a chance to learn more than the ones at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
still
stay at home.
Therefore
, they can develop and sharpen their thinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early and may achieve the greater academic result in the future.
However
, the irony here is that hardly could a four year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficult subjects such as Math or Science, while their mind and their constitution have not grown up
sufficiently
.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tensions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, which may lead to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression.
For instance
, in my hometown,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to study earlier,
easily
to be under-pressure than others.

On the other hand
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
at 7 or 8 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are more mature and have more experience in their life, can
totally
stand all the pressure at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Moreover
, with an advantage of developmental brain, an older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will obtain a better performance than a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
.
For example
, my nephew,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at five,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ranked 15th in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
according the result of Math exams.
Hence
, whereas older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
always feel confident to study and take the exam younger, maybe not reliant on their ability due to the poor result at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. As a consequence, this will cause the detrimental effect on their mental development.

In conclusion
, although the fact is that the starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can be optional in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, parents should consider
carefully
and do not take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
too early at four years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Science can now offer people a life expectancy of close to one hundred years or even more. Some people view it in a positive light, but others believe it creates some problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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