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Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. v.1

Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. v. 1
Although international tourism is one of the largest booming industries, some people consider this detrimental to host nations. The main reason for this is cultural differences and to remedy this problem, a collaborative effort of an individual and the government is required. To begin with, the difference in cultural and traditional values of the countries is the most crucial factor responsible for the opposition towards foreign tourism. Many countries such as India, Pakistan, and Arabia have traditional cultures and they provide immense importance to their cultural values and beliefs. For this reason, they often expect tourists to follow the same and any violation leads to conflicts. To illustrate, recently in Mumbai, two foreign tourists faced criticism of locals and they were not allowed to enter into the Sidhi temple as they were not wearing traditional attire. Thus, the fear of the damage that foreign visitors can cause to ethnic values, makes the people outraged towards their entry. To combat this issue a collective effort is needed. Primarily, before visiting any country, one should learn and understand the cultural and traditional norms of that country. It is quintessential for the visitors to respect the culture of the host countries and act according to them. Also, local people should also treat the visitors as their guests and guide them rules appropriately instead of showing criticism. Secondly, the authorities and tourist associations should also provide the complete guidelines to the visitors in the form of brochures, websites or templates. In conclusion, despite the surge in the rate of tourism, it is not considered a good trend by some people owing to the difference in ethnic values. To change this perspective, tourists should respect foreign cultures and customs when they are abroad and the governments of host nations must also take appropriate actions to make tourists comfortable.
Although international tourism is one of the largest booming industries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider this detrimental to host nations. The main reason for this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
differences and to remedy this problem, a collaborative effort of an individual and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is required
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is the most crucial factor responsible for the opposition towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
tourism.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as India, Pakistan, and Arabia have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cultures and
they provide immense importance to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
values and beliefs.
For this reason
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to follow the same and any violation leads to conflicts. To illustrate, recently in Mumbai, two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
faced criticism of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
locals and
they were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to enter into the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sidhi
temple as they were not wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
attire.
Thus
, the fear of the damage that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
can cause to ethnic values,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
outraged towards their entry.

To combat this issue a collective effort
is needed
.
Primarily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
visiting any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, one should learn and understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
norms of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is quintessential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to respect the culture of the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and act according to them.
Also
, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
treat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
as their guests and guide them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
appropriately
instead
of showing criticism.
Secondly
, the authorities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
associations should
also
provide the complete guidelines to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in the form of brochures, websites or templates.

In conclusion
, despite the surge in the rate of tourism, it is not considered a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trend by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
owing to the difference in ethnic values. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
should respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
cultures and customs when they are abroad and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of host nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
take appropriate actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
comfortable.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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