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Children have unhealthy eating habits. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done about this? v.1

Children have unhealthy eating habits. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done about this? v. 1
In this contemporary era, more chemicals are added in food production. The main motives are to keep meals for a long time. This essay will highlight that eating chemicals containing food causes serious threats to the people's health. This essay will first discuss the drawbacks followed by the major merits. On the one hand, the companies add chemicals to the goods. This is because the populations are growing rapidly all over the world. So, the demand of diets has increased in order to supply everywhere. In addition, eye-catching products attract a consumer to buy such a snack. As a result, they could be suffering from serious ailments like cancer and abdominal pain when they take it. Furthermore, these days, people prefer fast food more than home-made meals due to the workload and busy work schedule. Hence, although they are aware of its shortcoming, they can eat chemical mixed diet, such as noodles, coca cola on a daily basis. Moreover, some are instant cuisines and if we do not consume them within a week, such foodstuff might be rotten. This may lead a financial lose to the companies. In contrast, despite the disadvantages, it helps to grow the economy of the country. If the citizens take a larger amount of packaged cuisines, then, it not only devote the profit to the companies, but also to the government through tax payments by such industries. In addition, it provides employment opportunities for the workers who works in the foodstuff manufacturing industries. In conclusion, the residents who eat such bread might be suffered from numerous illnesses. However, it has a few advantages, especially the worker and the government. But the harmful effects of consuming preservative snack outweigh the pros.
In this contemporary era, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in food production. The main motives are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
meals for a long time. This essay will highlight that eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
containing food causes serious threats to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health. This essay will
first
discuss the drawbacks followed by the major merits.

On the one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the populations are growing
rapidly
all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the demand of diets has increased in order to supply everywhere.
In addition
, eye-catching products attract a consumer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
such a snack.
As a result
, they could be suffering from serious ailments like cancer and abdominal pain when they take it.

Furthermore
, these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food more than home-made meals due to the workload and busy work schedule.
Hence
, although they are aware of its shortcoming, they can eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemical
mixed diet, such as noodles, coca cola on a daily basis.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are instant cuisines and if we do not consume them within a week, such foodstuff might be rotten. This may lead a financial lose to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In contrast
, despite the disadvantages, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to grow the economy of the country. If the citizens take a larger amount of packaged cuisines, then, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
devote the profit to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
through tax payments by such industries.
In addition
, it provides employment opportunities for the workers who
Did you mean "work"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'workers' should be used.
works
in the foodstuff manufacturing industries.

In conclusion
, the residents who eat such bread might
be suffered
from numerous illnesses.
However
, it has a few advantages,
especially
the worker and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the harmful effects of consuming preservative snack outweigh the pros.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children have unhealthy eating habits. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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