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Science advanced so much that It can now make it possible for people to live 100 years or even 200. some people think it is a good thing, other think that it is a bad thing. discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Science advanced so much that It can now make it possible for people to live 100 years or even 200. some people think it is a good thing, other think that it is a bad thing. 1
It is often said that family plays an important role in a person's life. However, there are many people who like to live alone, currently, rather than living with their parents. I agree that this type of thinking should be considered as a positive change. On the one hand, people are becoming independent nowadays and wants to live their life without any restriction. This is because they want to travel and explore the world. For instance, There are a lot of bloggers who travels to the untouched and isolated areas in the World. As a result, they end up living alone to seek their inner soul. This is considered to be a positive impact and people around the world has accepted that kind of development. On the other hand, few people love to live with their family. This is because they want to grow their family business or other reason could be joint family. One of my friends, for example, wants to own the furnishing business which was set up by his grandfather around 5 years ago. This is because if he will start a new business from scratch, it will take years of hard work for him to succeed. In conclusion, people change their lifestyles as and when time passes. In my opinion, we should consider this as a positive change because every person has a right to live based on their choice.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a person's life.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone,
currently
,
rather
than living with their parents. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this type of thinking should
be considered
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming independent nowadays and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their life without any restriction. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to travel and explore the world.
For instance
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
bloggers who travels to the untouched and isolated areas in the World.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up living alone to seek their inner soul. This
is considered
to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that kind of development.

On the other hand
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to grow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
business or other reason could be joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. One of my friends,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
the furnishing business which
was set
up by his grandfather around 5 years ago. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new business from scratch, it will take years of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work for him to succeed.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lifestyles as and when time passes. In my opinion, we should consider this as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every person has a right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
based on their choice.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Science advanced so much that It can now make it possible for people to live 100 years or even 200. some people think it is a good thing, other think that it is a bad thing. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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