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Schools should take more responsibility for the health of today's children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with statement. v.2

Schools should take more responsibility for the health of today's children. with statement. v. 2
Children spend most of their time in school so it is the duty of schools to take care of student's health. Educational institutes should provide training for a healthy diet and make them aware of various eating options. Moreover, for well being of students Sports such as Basketball and Running should be encouraged. This essay will discuss the methods by which pupils can encourage to become healthy. Although parents can guide their young ones to adopt healthy eating options, they usually do not take them seriously. It is therefore reasonable that little ones are attracted by fast food and gain weight. Teachers who have the authority to discipline students should take strict actions to provide a balanced diet. Cooking classes need to be encouraged in schools as it will demonstrate the methods to cook healthily and eat healthily. Good habits start at schools only. Children should consume 1600 to 2200 calories per day and teachers need to make sure that pupils take these calories through healthy food despite drinking coke and junk food. It is optional for students to participate in physical activities, but Schools need to make outdoor games as mandatory part and grades should be allotted for them. It allows to make a habit for young ones and after they grow old, they will be physically fit. My own experience is a perfect example. Until I joined the basketball team in high school, I was very physically weak. After the motivation from my professor, I take part in sports. Being part of a team provided me with the opportunity to become physically strong. And it will be impossible without the motivation of teachers. In conclusion, schools have the power to educate students on proper nutrition and the importance of exercise.
Children spend most of their time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is the duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to take care of student's health. Educational institutes should provide training for a healthy diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them aware of various eating options.
Moreover
, for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Sports such as Basketball and Running should
be encouraged
. This essay will discuss the methods by which pupils can encourage
Did you mean "becoming"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to become
healthy.

Although parents can guide their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to adopt healthy eating options, they
usually
do not take them
seriously
. It is
therefore
reasonable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
are attracted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and gain weight. Teachers who have the authority to discipline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should take strict actions to provide a balanced diet. Cooking classes need to
be encouraged
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as it will demonstrate the methods to cook
healthily
and eat
healthily
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
habits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Children should consume 1600 to 2200 calories per day and teachers need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that pupils take these calories through healthy food despite drinking coke and junk food.

It is optional for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to participate in physical activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
outdoor games as mandatory part and grades should
be allotted
for them. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a habit for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and after they grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they will be
physically
fit. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a perfect example. Until I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the basketball team in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
physically
weak. After the motivation from my professor, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in sports. Being part of a team provided me with the opportunity to become
physically
strong. And it will be impossible without the motivation of teachers.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have the power to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on proper nutrition and the importance of exercise.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Schools should take more responsibility for the health of today's children. with statement. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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