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It is common aspiration among many young people to run their own business rather than work for an employer. Do you think the disadvantages of working for yourself outweigh the advantages? v.2

It is common aspiration among many young people to run their own business rather than work for an employer. Do you think the disadvantages of working for yourself outweigh the advantages? v. 2
The demanding of jobs nowadays is increasing with non-stop. Many young people would like to run their own company rather than work for an employer. However, in my perspective, I think the cons of working for yourself outweigh the pros due to some reasons. There are a lot of cons if you are running your own business. Firstly, you are new to that work, therefore you definitely have no experience at all about the job, since you are not professionals in the job yet hence you will bankrupt easily. For example, one person wants to open a company so at least he or she should work for it about two to three years for sure that job is suitable to him or her. Since he or she has experienced already then opening the company to make sure there will not be lost too much. However, running a business when you're too young or just new with it, so perhaps, you will be unsuccessful. Secondly, if someone opens the business when they are too young, absolutely they will face with financial problems. Therefore, they are easily becoming a failure. For instance, someone wants to open the company, but they have not much money and needed to borrow someone else money. However, since they do not really have experienced in that work yet, therefore they easily got bankrupt and could not repay the debts. Nevertheless, if you're working for an employer, you do not need to care about the financial problems that the company faces as well as you can gain your experience while doing the job. It's good anyway. For example, you are an employee so definitely you will gain and know some things related to the job. If some days you will not work in that company but you still have your experience and perhaps you can open your own business. In a nutshell, I would stand by my side that the disadvantages of working for yourself outweigh the advantages if you have no experienced in doing that job. However, if someone wants to try and make the mistake as one of those experiences, then just try.
The demanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
nowadays is increasing with non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would like to run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for an employer.
However
, in my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the cons of working for yourself outweigh the pros due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cons if you are running your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.
Firstly
, you are new to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
therefore
you definitely have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
at all about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, since you are not professionals in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
yet
hence
you will bankrupt
easily
.
For example
, one person wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
at least he or she should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for it about two to three years for sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is suitable to him or her. Since he or she has experienced already then opening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure there will not
be lost
too much.
However
, running a business when you're too young or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
new with it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
perhaps, you will be unsuccessful.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opens
the business when they are too young,
absolutely
they will face with financial problems.
Therefore
, they are
easily
becoming a failure.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have not much money and needed to borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
else money.
However
, since they do not
really
have experienced in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
yet
,
therefore
they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
bankrupt and could not repay the debts.

Nevertheless
, if you're working for an employer, you do not need to care about the financial problems that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
faces
as well
as you can gain your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
while doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. It's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
anyway.
For example
, you are an employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
definitely you will gain and know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days you will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you
still
have your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and perhaps you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.

In a nutshell, I would stand by my side that the disadvantages of working for yourself outweigh the advantages if you have no experienced in doing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
wants to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the mistake as one of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
try.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay It is common aspiration among many young people to run their own business rather than work for an employer. Do you think the disadvantages of working for yourself outweigh the advantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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