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Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v.24

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 24
It is true that buying items online such as textbooks, tickets and some household appliances is getting more and more well-known. Some people think that online shopping helps them positively, whereas others are of the opinion that it has fallen short of their expectations. Although it brings some disadvantages, I still believe that electronic commerce is a necessary aspect of our life. There are some people who argue that online things can be distinct from reality. First and foremost, products are fully dependent on some pictures on the website, people are not capable of touching them. To make it clear, some merchandises might have the wrong sizes, colours as well as materials. Secondly, cyber-delivery can be delayed due to climate change, therefore, we might receive our items beyond schedule. Furthermore, products can be damaged on the way to being delivered. If we want to exchange, you have to wait a few days later. Consequently, people do not have a tendency to shop online. In spite of the above arguments, there are several reasons why cyber shopping is very convenient among people. To begin with, for businessmen or students who do not have enough time to go shopping, it is exceptionally functional. With the development of technology, we can easily access to any social marketplaces where everyone can browse, shop and sell anytime, anywhere. Besides, we are able to compare various prices from shops to shops without difficulty. Finally, we don’t have to line up and wait for our turns in stores to purchase products we need. In conclusion, shopping online has its drawbacks, but I believe that benefits outweigh them in the long term.
It is true that buying items
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
such as textbooks, tickets and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
household appliances is getting more and more well-known.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
positively
, whereas others are of the opinion that it has fallen short of their expectations. Although it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, I
still
believe that electronic commerce is a necessary aspect of our life.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
things can be distinct from reality.
First
and foremost, products are
fully
dependent on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pictures on the website,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not capable of touching them. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merchandises might have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
sizes,
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
as well
as materials.
Secondly
, cyber-delivery can
be delayed
due to climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
therefore
, we might receive our items beyond schedule.
Furthermore
, products can
be damaged
on the way to
being delivered
. If we want to exchange, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait a few days later.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have a tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
online.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the above arguments, there are several reasons why cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, for businessmen or students who do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, it is
exceptionally
functional. With the development of technology, we can
easily
access to any social marketplaces where everyone can browse,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and sell anytime, anywhere.
Besides
, we are able to compare various prices from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
without difficulty.
Finally
, we don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
line up and wait for our turns in stores to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
products we need.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has its drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that benefits outweigh them in the long term.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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