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schools should prepare students for universities rather than work. How far do you agree with this statement? Support your point of view with reasons / or examples from your experience or observations. v.1

schools should prepare students for universities rather than work. How far Support your point of view with reasons / or examples from your experience or observations. v. 1
A number of people believe that reading newspapers and watching the news on the Television is a loss of valuable time, as it does not relate to our lives. In my opinion, I disagree that the news on papers or TV has no link with people's lives and, therefore, they are not a waste of time. A good reason why I believe that TV news and newspapers have a direct connection to our lives is that they have several sections in them that directly affects our lives. For examples, most TV news has a complete section that is dedicated to weather predictions. Knowing what the weather is going to be tomorrow or one week ahead of time is important for many people, as it affects their plans directly. As a result, many people do not plan their trips or vacation before watching the weather news on TV. Moreover, newspapers are also associated with people's lives. For instance, the financial section in the newspapers informs many readers about market prices. This is important for many stakeholders, especially those who work in the stock market. Another point to consider is that most governments use these media to communicate with their citizens. In other words, states use printed or visual media to inform the people about any policy changes or any new laws that they need to adhere to. To illustrate, when the Malaysian government slashed recently the funding that was allocated for libraries, many people knew about it only by watching TV news or reading newspapers. Consequently, these types of media are crucial and they should not be considered unnecessary. In conclusion, Although some people feel that looking for information on TV or by reading newspapers is a waste of time, because they have no relation to their lives, I believe that they are important and have a direct link to our lives.
A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the Television is a loss of valuable time, as it does not relate to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. In my opinion, I disagree that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on papers or TV has no link with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and,
therefore
, they are not a waste of time.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why I believe that TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
have a direct connection to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
is that they have several sections in them that
directly
affects our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. For examples, most TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
has a complete section that
is dedicated
to weather predictions. Knowing what the weather is going to be tomorrow or one week ahead of time is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as it affects their plans
directly
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not plan their trips or vacation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
watching the weather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on TV.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
are
also
associated with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For instance
, the financial section in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
informs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
readers about market prices. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
stakeholders,
especially
those who work in the stock market.

Another point to consider is that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these media to communicate with their citizens.
In other words
, states
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
printed or visual media to inform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about any policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
laws that they need to adhere to. To illustrate, when the Malaysian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
slashed recently the funding that
was allocated
for libraries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
knew about it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by watching TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
or reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
.
Consequently
, these types of media are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
crucial and
they should not
be considered
unnecessary.

In conclusion
, Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that looking for information on TV or by reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
is a waste of time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have no relation to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, I believe that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and have a direct link to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay schools should prepare students for universities rather than work. How far Support your point of view with reasons / or examples from your experience or observations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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