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schools should prepare students for universities rather than work. How far do you agree with this statement? Support your point of view with reasons / or examples from your experience or observations. v.2

schools should prepare students for universities rather than work. How far Support your point of view with reasons / or examples from your experience or observations. v. 2
Nowaday, whether the role of schools in preparing students for work or further study has attracted numerous controversies and drawn the attention from the public. Some people believe that school should prepare students for work while others hold the view that they should prepare their students for the further studies. In my opine, the former view has more positive impact on the student' s holistic development. On the one hand, the proponents who are considering the school' s role to mould their students to industry ready work force point out the significant benefit of it is stronger industrial growth. Since, a nation has more youth working tends to have more income from that taxes and eventually these money can be utilized for the development of nation by spending it on healthcare, education and transportation systems. Moreover, they consider higher study as the personal choice than force one. on the other hand, there are several arguments favouring my stance. The most preponderant one is the skill set that a person can avail by having the university study, and these university study not only build their career but also make them a responsible citizens of the nation. For an instance, A survey was conducted on more than 5000 employees of New York city has revealed the fact that those who have completed the university studies are more stable and happy with their job compare to those who have to opted. Lastly, the government, the schools and the parents must take appropriate steps for the holistic development of student by taking necessary steps. In conclusion, the arguments outlined above one can conclude that despite of some of the short-term advantages the long term benefits are too dire to ignore.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowaday
, whether the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for work or
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has attracted numerous controversies and drawn the attention from the public.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for work while others hold the view that they should prepare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for the
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. In my opine, the former view has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s holistic development.

On the one hand, the proponents who are considering the
Possible spelling mistake found.
school&
#039; s role to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to industry ready work force point out the significant benefit of it is stronger industrial growth. Since, a nation has more youth working tends to have more income from that taxes and
eventually
Did you mean "this money" or "these moneys", "these monies"?
these money
can
be utilized
for the development of nation by spending it on healthcare, education and transportation systems.
Moreover
, they consider higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as the personal choice than force one.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand, there are several arguments
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
my stance. The most preponderant one is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set that a person can avail by having the university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, and
Did you mean "this university" or "these universities"?
these university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
build their career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a responsible
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "citizen"?
citizens
of the nation. For an instance, A survey
was conducted
on more than 5000 employees of
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York city
has revealed the fact that those who have completed the university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
are more stable and happy with their job compare to those who have
Did you mean "to opt"?
to opted
.

Lastly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and the parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take appropriate steps for the holistic development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
by taking necessary steps.

In conclusion
, the arguments outlined above one can conclude that
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
short-term advantages the long term benefits are too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay schools should prepare students for universities rather than work. How far Support your point of view with reasons / or examples from your experience or observations. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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