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schools should prepare students for university rather than work. how far do you agree with this statement. support your point of view with reason /or example from your own experience or observations. v.2

schools should prepare students for university rather than work. how far support your point of view with reason /or example from your own experience or observations. v. 2
In this day and age school used to prepare students for university and teach skills to them for work. Although purpose of Schools just considered as a way to university, but I disagree with this idea because there are technical schools with practical training to send students for labor-market too. For the purpose of this essay, I would discuss advantages of this kind of schools. To begin whit, there are various reason that I support this kind of technical and professional schools. First and foremost, instantly after graduation, students could get a job, at least 4 years sooner than a graduated from university; Also, in this period of time, they could become the master in their profession. In my personal experience, when I started my first job as a building mapper, I was just 17 years old. Secondly, to get an education degree, the student has to pass a term in real space of job related with their field of study andThey could gain very useful experiences in this term. While in the university, dedicated time for practical lessons is less than theoretical and academic lessons. For example, a recent scientific research conducted with Tehran University researchers shown that achievement in job for those who studied in practical-schools is Far than the educated people of the university. In conclusion, there are several compelling reasons with advantages of preparation for work by schools. my personal sentiment is that by studying in practical-schools, people can save the further time of their life and learn arts and technics in young age to reach to a good job position.
In this day and age school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and teach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to them for work. Although purpose
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


Schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
considered as a way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are technical schools with practical training to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for labor-market too.

For the purpose of this essay, I would discuss advantages of this kind of schools.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
whit, there are various reason that I support this kind of technical and professional schools.

First
and foremost,
instantly
after graduation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, at least 4 years sooner than a graduated from university;

Also
, in this period of time, they could become the master in their profession.

In my personal experience, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
my
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as a building mapper, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
17 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

Secondly
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an education degree, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pass a term in real space of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
related with their field of study
Possible spelling mistake found.
andThey
could gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful experiences in this term. While in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, dedicated time for practical lessons is less than theoretical and academic lessons.

For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "recent scientific research".
a recent scientific research
conducted with Tehran
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
researchers shown that achievement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for those who studied in practical-schools is

Use "farther", "further" to make a comparison with this adjective.
Far
than the educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the university.

In conclusion
, there are several compelling reasons with advantages of preparation for work by schools.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
my
personal sentiment is that by studying in practical-schools,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can save the
further
time of their life and learn arts and
Possible spelling mistake found.
technics
in young age to reach to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay schools should prepare students for university rather than work. how far support your point of view with reason /or example from your own experience or observations. v. 2

Essay
  American English
11 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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