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Schools should not force children to learn a foreign language. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

Schools should not force children to learn a foreign language. v. 1
It is true that some people complain that children should not be forced to learn a foreign language in school. The schooling sistem could be reviewed to give more space to other activities. Despite the fact that there are are other moments in which they can learn this skill, I claim this teaching should be kept. On the one hand is commonly thought that schools give non-priority lessons which could be replaced by others, and language classes are one of these. Kids nowadays are not taught anymore everyday jobs such as cleaning or cooking, because there is no time to do this at school. Indeed, removing a foreign language from the timetable would leave space for other teachings. Also, this does not imply not to teach languages at all, but just post-dating to their adulthood. On the other side kids are quick learner and learning to communicate is very important. As a matter of fact, before the 10 years children are very open minded and can memorize a lot more than an adult would. It also needs to be noticed that not everybody can afford to pay someone to teach their son after school, nor everybody would like to. Furthermore, languages are not only important for cultural aspects, but also because they can allow to move around the world and start a better career. As an example it would be impossible for an Italian to get a job in the United Kingdom without a good knowledge of English. In conclusion, people claim that the teaching of languages should not be compulsory in schools, but I believe that is not only important, but also necessary.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
complain that children should not
be forced
to learn a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The schooling
Possible spelling mistake found.
sistem
could
be reviewed
to give more space to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities. Despite the fact that there
Possible typo: you repeated a word
are are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
moments in which they can learn this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, I claim this teaching should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
.

On the one hand is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
give non-priority lessons which could
be replaced
by others, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
classes are one of these. Kids nowadays are not taught
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
everyday jobs such as cleaning or cooking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no time to do this at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Indeed
, removing a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
from the timetable would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
space for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
teachings.
Also
, this does
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
not imply not
to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
at all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
post-dating to their adulthood.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side kids are quick learner and learning to communicate is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. As a matter of fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the 10 years children are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
and can memorize a lot more than an adult would. It
also
needs to
be noticed
that not everybody can afford to pay someone to teach their son after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, nor everybody would like to.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for cultural aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a better career. As an example it would be impossible for an Italian to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
The usual preposition for "get a job" is "with" for an organization. Revise: "with the United".
in the United
Kingdom without a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge of English.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that the teaching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
should not be compulsory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe
that is
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
necessary.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Schools should not force children to learn a foreign language. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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