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Schools should do more to teach students about their health and wellbeing. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Schools should do more to teach students about their health and wellbeing. v. 3
Educating has a main role in the student's life and health is an important item in the society. So schools can teach to the students about their health. I completely agree with this issue. This essay will offer two fundamental activities such as exercise and food or diet. Firstly, a school program for students can help with their health. For example, schools should teach, how they do exercise and how can exercise to help their body. Then teachers should spend a lot of time explaining how can work body organization and what act of exercise is better for a specific part of a body. So when they know about that, they do with excitement. Moreover, teachers offer to do exercise in a group. Because the group can improve the health mental. Further, the past articles represent the effect of group sports on the body. In addition, the body needs food. Young people should eat nutrients because they are in a growing up age. Children should learn what food is useful for the body. Schools should teach about the organization of the body and what happens when a person eats food. As well as, explaining the diet and teach about calories is one of the items that can teach. They learn about junk food in the early year. So they care about that before they habit. Summery, considering the points discussed above, food and exercise are significant to health and schools should teach to children. Despite this, the society needs healthy people.
Educating has a main role in the student's life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
item in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
to the students about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this issue. This essay will offer two fundamental activities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or diet.

Firstly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
program for students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
, how they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and how can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. Then teachers should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time explaining how can work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
organization and what act of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is better for a specific part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
when they know about that, they do with excitement.
Moreover
, teachers offer to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in a group.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the group can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
mental.
Further
, the past articles represent the effect of group sports on the body.

In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should eat nutrients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are in a growing up age. Children should learn what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
about the organization of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and what happens when a person eats
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
As well
as, explaining the diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
about calories is one of the items that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
. They learn about junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the early year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they care about that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they habit
.

Summery, considering the points discussed above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
are significant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
to children. Despite this, the society needs healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools should do more to teach students about their health and wellbeing. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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