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Schools have a limited amount of money to spend. Some people suggest that it should be spend on good teachers, while others say it should be spend for buying equipment like computers. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Schools have a limited amount of money to spend. Some people suggest that it should be spend on good teachers, while others say it should be spend for buying equipment like computers. v. 2
It has become a debatable issue where schools should invest their money. While some individuals are of the opinion that it should be done by recruiting well trained staff, whereas others believe that modern technological equipments should be their priority. This essay will examine both sides of the statement. I, however, think that such organisations should give equal importance to both before making any investment. It is an undeniable fact that electronic devices such as computers have become an integral part of each institutions. Since in this contemporary world, everything needs to be fast and furious, it is necessary to impart such skills to make students compatible with these gadgets. For instance, with the help of these electronic component schools going children can be taught how to prepare presentations, how to use Microsoft word for producing documents, and many more that may help them in the foreseeable future to be a responsible citizen. Thus doing expenditure on the purchasing of these equipments is an innovative idea if any institution is willing to achieve great success. On the other hand, recruitment of the experienced and knowledgeable staff cannot be denied. This is due to the fact that good teachers always motivate their students and teach them by mutual interaction and helps them to be a good learner. Also, these are the people who put their efforts in bringing out the best among the students. In other words, teachers can encourage their pupils to be an excellent orator, a brilliant writer, and many more. Because these are the role models of their disciples so their behaviour in school premises is more important. Hence administation of the schools must look for the quality of a reputed teacher rather than quantity. This way they must consider the benefits before making any huge expenses. To sum up, I, however, opine that a balanced approach should be adopted while investing in any area either it is on borrowing equipments or on employees.
It has become a debatable issue where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should invest their money. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are of the opinion that it should
be done
by recruiting
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
staff, whereas others believe that modern technological equipments should be their priority. This essay will examine both sides of the statement. I,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that such
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should give equal importance to both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making any investment.

It is an undeniable fact that electronic devices such as computers have become an integral part of each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "institution"?
institutions
. Since in this contemporary world, everything needs to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and furious, it is necessary to impart such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
students compatible with these gadgets.
For instance
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of these electronic component
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
going children can
be taught
how to prepare presentations, how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Did you mean the proper noun "Microsoft Word" (= Microsoft product)?
Microsoft word
for producing documents, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the foreseeable future to be a responsible citizen.
Thus
doing expenditure on the purchasing of these equipments is an innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
if any institution is willing to achieve great success.

On the other hand
, recruitment of the experienced and knowledgeable staff cannot
be denied
.
This is due to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teachers always motivate their students and teach them by mutual interaction and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
learner.
Also
, these are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who put their efforts in bringing out the best among the students.
In other words
, teachers can encourage their pupils to be an excellent orator, a brilliant writer, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these are the role models of their disciples
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
premises is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
Possible spelling mistake found.
administation
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
look for the quality of a reputed teacher
rather
than quantity. This way they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider the benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making any huge expenses.

To sum up, I,
however
, opine that a balanced approach should
be adopted
while investing in any area either it is on borrowing equipments or on employees.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools have a limited amount of money to spend. Some people suggest that it should be spend on good teachers, while others say it should be spend for buying equipment like computers. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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