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Schools concentrate for too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern working world. To what extent do you agree or disagree? . v.1

Schools concentrate for too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern working world. . v. 1
Nowadays teaching the traditional subjects have become controversial debate where everyone have their own valid points. Some people claim that these conventional subjects are inadequate for learning while others believe that these are imperative for future. In my view, i completely disagree with the subjects for school curriculum because at some stage of life, every subjects play significant role and a person can develop better insight. On one hand, the subjects for instance calculus, derivatives do not helps a student to face world's reality. In other words, theoretical learning is not only sufficient to overcome the life's problem. Furthermore, subjects which demand our existence like physical education, arts and crafts are of them which have improved the vision for future. Consequently, theoretical learning have degraded the quality of education system by forcing them to study, for which they have no interests. Like if a person wants to become wrestler, then maths and science have no role in it. On other hand, these conventional subjects have their own essence and significance. It has been in the syllabus since ancient time because it entitled everything of world. Instead of focus only in one field, it's good to have understanding of other fields. Moreover, these subjects will develope better understanding which prepare students to face any situations in their life. They can also understand others perspective easily like social skills. For example, to being doctor, their subjective knowledge is mandatory as well as he should also being awared from others field to cure patients. In conclusion, traditional subjects have their own charisma of culture, city and world and even comprise the information of universe which actually have improved young person's mentally capacity and give them exposure rather than to focus only one field.
Nowadays teaching the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have become controversial debate where everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
valid points.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that these conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are inadequate for learning while others believe that these are imperative for future. In my view,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
completely disagree with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for school curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stage of life, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "subject"?
subjects
play significant role and a person can develop better insight.

On one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for instance
calculus, derivatives do not
Did you mean "help"?
helps
a student to face world's reality. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, theoretical learning is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sufficient to overcome the life's problem.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which demand our existence like physical education, arts and crafts are of them which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the vision for future.
Consequently
, theoretical learning
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to have"
have
degraded the quality of education system by forcing them to study, for which they have no interests. Like if a person wants to become wrestler, then
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and science have no role in it.

On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, these conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
essence and significance. It has been in the syllabus since ancient time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it entitled everything of world.
Instead
of focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to have understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
better understanding which prepare students to face any situations in their life. They can
also
understand others perspective
easily
like social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, to being doctor, their subjective knowledge is mandatory
as well
as he should
also
being
Possible spelling mistake found.
awared
from others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
to cure patients.

In conclusion
, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
charisma of culture, city and world and even comprise the information of universe which actually have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
young person's mentally capacity and give them exposure
rather
than to focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Schools concentrate for too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern working world. . v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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