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School concentrated far too much on traditional subjects which do noy adequate prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern worldDo you agree or disagree v.2

School concentrated far too much on traditional subjects which do noy adequate prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern worldv. 2
Knowledge is power. It gives us the absolute control over our lives. Schools are the primary institutions disparting knowledge to students. It is transmitted to them in accordance with subjects. The nature of subjects has evolved gradually over the past centuries, responding to modernization. However, too much importance is given to traditional subjects which is not in harmony with the ever growing demands of the modern world. Firstly, with the advancement in technology, knowledge of the modern subjects is quite necessary to strive forward professionally. For example, know-how of computer subject is vital in almost every professional area. Even the number of jobs are minimized for the people who do not know how to use a computer. Elaborating the same view point, studying traditional subjects might do more harm than good to students. For example, if a student wants to become a marketing professional and has been studying history as the main subject in school, it would eventually lead to wastage of time, for both, students and the school. Secondly, studying traditional subjects is not beneficial for a student' s health. To examplify a modern subject that is helpful in improving a student' s health is physical education. It improves a person physically further leading to his overall development, acting as a precursor of success. This quality is not borne by traditional subjects. Thirdly, traditional subjects do not offer overall development of the world. They are very restricted in relation to contents. Some modern subjects are rooted out of the previous subjects and some are created out of nowhere. These new subjects entertain student' s interests in respect to studies. Eventually, it leads to development of new subjects offering vivid alternatives to students to utilize their talent and skills, improving the world as a whole. That' s why it is said that education is the most vital precursor of International development. Nothing can distract from the central fact that modern subjects should be given equal or more importance in schools. Yes, traditional subjects are necessary as they teach us about the culture and the basic nature of the required skills but they should not be given more importance than modern subjects as they fail to deal with current demands of world.
Knowledge is power. It gives us the absolute control over our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Schools are the primary institutions
Possible spelling mistake found.
disparting
knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It
is transmitted
to them in accordance with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. The nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
has evolved
gradually
over the past centuries, responding to modernization.
However
, too much importance is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which is not in harmony with the ever growing demands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world.

Firstly
, with the advancement in technology, knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is quite necessary to strive forward
professionally
.
For example
, know-how of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is vital in almost every professional area. Even the number of jobs
are minimized
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer. Elaborating the same view point, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
might do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
wants to become a marketing professional and has been studying history as the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in school, it would
eventually
lead to wastage of time, for both,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and the school.

Secondly
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is not beneficial for a
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s health. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that is
helpful in improving a
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s health is physical education. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
a person
physically
further
leading to his
overall
development, acting as a precursor of success. This quality is not borne by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
subjects.

Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
do not offer
overall
development of the world. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
restricted in relation to contents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are rooted
out of the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are created
out of nowhere. These new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
entertain
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s interests in respect to studies.
Eventually
, it leads to development of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
offering vivid alternatives to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to utilize their talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, improving the world as a whole.
Possible spelling mistake found.
That&
#039; s why it
is said
that education is the most vital precursor of International development.

Nothing can distract from the central fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal or more importance in schools. Yes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are necessary as they teach us about the culture and the basic nature of the required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more importance than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as they fail to deal with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
demands of world.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay School concentrated far too much on traditional subjects which do noy adequate prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern worldv. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
371 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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