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School concentrated far too much on traditional subjects which do noy adequate prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern worldDo you agree or disagree v.1

School concentrated far too much on traditional subjects which do noy adequate prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern worldv. 1
It is true that city life has a number of problems that impact on inhabitants’ health. While I agree that the lifestyle in urban areas exert many detrimental effects, I would argue that it may bring certain positive influences on people’s health. On the one hand, there are several reasons why urbanities lifestyle are being harmful for city dwellers health. Firstly, residents of big cities would suffer from escalating environmental degradation. This is because, a huge of industrial waste are being released into the atmosphere day by day, leading to water and air pollution. Prolonged exposure to such pollutants may enhance health threats such as: cardiovascular and respiratory disease for city inhabitants. Secondly, people who live in the metropolis facing more psychological stress. Due to high volumes of traffic as well as heavy traffic congestion often makes citizens of big cities feel frustrated, and busy lifestyles might deprive people their time to relax, negatively affecting their health. On the other hand, I believe that residents reap the benefit of living in the urban zone. First, city dwellers healthier than their rural counterparts. Due to access better health infrastructure as well as innovate equipment such as hospitals and clinics with high quality doctors and nurses. As a result, individuals of big cities would have effective treatment. Another benefit which should be highlighted is people of big cities can easily take engage in fitness center which might not be provided in the countryside, to improve their physical health. In conclusion, it seems to me that it is more beneficial for our health to live in small cities although it is disadvantageous to some extent
It is true that city life has a number of problems that impact on inhabitants’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the lifestyle in urban areas exert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental effects, I would argue that it may bring certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
Possible spelling mistake found.
urbanities
lifestyle are being harmful for city
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "dwellers'" or "dweller's"?
dwellers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Firstly
, residents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
would suffer from escalating environmental degradation. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
industrial waste are
being released
into the atmosphere day by day, leading to water and air pollution. Prolonged exposure to such pollutants may enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
threats such as: cardiovascular and respiratory disease for city inhabitants.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the metropolis facing more psychological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Due to high volumes of traffic
as well
as heavy traffic congestion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
citizens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
feel frustrated, and busy lifestyles might deprive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
their time to relax,
negatively
affecting their health.

On the other hand
, I believe that residents reap the benefit of living in the urban zone.
First
, city dwellers healthier than their rural counterparts. Due to access better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
infrastructure
as well
as innovate equipment such as hospitals and clinics with high quality doctors and nurses.
As a result
, individuals of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
would have effective treatment. Another benefit which should
be highlighted
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can
easily
take engage in fitness center which might not
be provided
in the countryside, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical health.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that it is more beneficial for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
although it is disadvantageous to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay School concentrated far too much on traditional subjects which do noy adequate prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern worldv. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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