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Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through Internet and they can study just as well at home What extent do you agree or disagree v.4

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through Internet and they can study just as well at home What extent v. 4
We have witnessed the increasing use of internet in this society. It is argued that schools are no longer needed for the public because children are able to get information from internet and to study at home. In my perspective, I tend to disagree with this statement and will elaborate below. Understandably, the rapid advancement of technology has brought many benefits to our society. By simply typing keywords on Google and internet data bases, children are able to get the information of education immediately. Attending the classes and paying fees for schools are completely waste of energy and money. Consequently, children can just access to internet and study at home anytime they wanted. However, there are opposing voices. To start with, schools are vital to the every children because it just like small societies. With the assistance from teachers and peers at schools, children are able learn quickly and master many studying skills such as writing and speaking from other students. Also, children are able to progress much faster than other children who using internet to study at home because teachers at school always have deep explanations according to real life examples while internet has limited examples. Apart from this, children who stay at home are less likely to have friends. As computers are easy to use and most of the information can be found on internet, children would become more depend on those devices. Therefore, staying at home could not develop any social skills and would reduce the possibility of meeting new friends. As a result, children would have difficulty to make friends in the future. In conclusion, although rapid advancement of technology and internet allows people to access information, I still think schools are important to every children because it can significantly increase their understanding as well as social skills.
We have witnessed the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet in this society. It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are no longer needed for the public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from internet and to study at home. In my perspective, I tend to disagree with this statement and will elaborate below.

Understandably
, the rapid advancement of technology has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to our society. By
simply
typing keywords on Google and internet data bases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of education immediately. Attending the classes and paying fees for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are completely waste of energy and money.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
access to internet and study at home anytime they wanted.

However
, there are opposing voices. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are vital to the every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
societies. With the assistance from teachers and peers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'learn'.
able learn
quickly
and master
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as writing and speaking from other students.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to progress much faster than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who using internet to study at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
teachers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
always have deep explanations according to real life examples while internet has limited examples.

Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who stay at home are less likely to have friends. As computers are easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can
be found
on internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would become more depend on those devices.
Therefore
, staying at home could not develop any social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the possibility of meeting new friends.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would have difficulty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends in the future.

In conclusion
, although rapid advancement of technology and internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
significantly
increase their understanding
as well
as social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through Internet and they can study just as well at home What extent v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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