Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through Internet and they can study just as well at home What extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through Internet and they can study just as well at home What extent v. 2
It is true that parents shoulder a huge responsibility and that raising children is by no means an easy task. However, I completely disagree with the idea that we should therefore force all mothers and fathers to attend parenting courses. In my opinion, the idea that all future parents should take a parenthood preparation course is completely impractical. Many prospective parents have jobs and busy schedules, and they may not be willing or able to attend regular parenting classes. This raises the question of whether those who missed the classes, or perhaps refused to attend, would be punished. I believe that it would be wrong to do this, and it would therefore be impossible to enforce the idea of compulsory training for parents. Besides, even if parents could be forced to attend, I doubt that people would agree on what good parenting entails, and so it would be difficult to create a parenting course to suit everyone. As well as being impractical, I would argue that training courses for parents are unnecessary. Mothers and fathers have been raising children without any formal help or official interference for thousands of years. Parenting skills are learnt from family members, friends, neighbours and the surrounding culture. Perhaps more importantly, adults learn to be good parents by instinct, by trial and error, and by getting to know their own children; for example, a good parent will try different strategies when faced with a badly-behaved child, and will gradually develop an understanding of what works to correct the behaviour. None of this requires the intervention of a taught course. In conclusion, while compulsory parenting lessons might seem like a good idea, I believe that such a scheme would be unworkable and largely pointless.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
shoulder a huge responsibility and that raising children is by no means an easy task.
However
, I completely disagree with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
that we should
therefore
force all mothers and fathers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
courses.

In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
that all future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take a parenthood preparation course is completely impractical.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
prospective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have jobs and busy schedules, and they may not be willing or able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
classes. This raises
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
those who missed the classes, or perhaps refused to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
, would
be punished
. I believe that it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to do this, and it would
therefore
be impossible to enforce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
of compulsory training for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Besides
, even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could
be forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
, I doubt that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
entails, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would be difficult to create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
course to suit everyone.

As well
as being impractical, I would argue that training courses for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are unnecessary. Mothers and fathers have been raising children without any formal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or official interference for thousands of years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from family members, friends,
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and the surrounding culture. Perhaps more
importantly
, adults learn to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
by instinct, by trial and error, and by getting to know their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
children;
for example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
will try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies when faced with a
badly
-behaved child, and will
gradually
develop an understanding of what works to correct the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. None of this requires the intervention of a taught course.

In conclusion
, while compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
lessons might seem like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
, I believe that such a scheme would be unworkable and
largely
pointless.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through Internet and they can study just as well at home What extent v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts